


Ever since New York

by selfwrittenstars



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Award Winners, Based on a One Direction Song, Bottom Harry, Canon, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Harry and Louis - Freeform, Hotel Sex, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Meet up in a bar, One Direction Hiatus, Party, Reunions, Slow Burn, Smut, Songwriting, Top Louis, Young Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, ex to lovers, exes to friends to lovers, holmes chapel, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform, they kinda share that really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-03-15 22:07:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13622490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selfwrittenstars/pseuds/selfwrittenstars
Summary: Before the One Direction hiatus, Louis and Harry had decided to break things off, and they were doing as promised. But they bump into each other in New York and things take a sharp turn. No one knows how many times they’re going to have to push each other away until they face the inevitable truth: they’re each other’s soulmates.akaThe one where Harry writes a song about Louis and he finds out.





	1. Long way down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before the One Direction hiatus, Louis and Harry had decided to break things off, and they were doing as promised. But they bump into each other in New York and things take a sharp turn. No one knows how many times they’re going to have to push each other away until they face the inevitable truth: they’re each other’s soulmates.  
> aka  
> The one where Harry writes a song about Louis and he finds out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had wanted to write a long piece of fanfic for a while now, and I've finally started. The first couple of chapters are necessary to give context to the story, but there is a lot more action coming. It all starts back in Holmes Chapel, because Harry's relationship with his family has always been inspiring, hasn't it?  
> Each chapter will have the name of a One Direction song that matches the vibe of it. I totally recommend listening to it before or after reading for a better experience.  
> Please leave any suggestions in the comments, I'd love to read your feedback.  
> I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it!  
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au

**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment. None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.**

 

> _We had it all, yeah_
> 
> _And we walked away_
> 
> _We built it up so high and now I'm falling_
> 
> _It's a long way down_
> 
>  

The heavy rain falls ruthlessly, water drops sliding down the window of a white and brick-coloured house in Holmes Chapel. It has been pouring all day long, but it’s not too cold for a Tuesday in January. Being back in England for a couple of months, Harry has already gotten used to the weather, as he doesn’t seem to notice the sound of the rain hitting the glass. His attention is fully focused on a romantic comedy playing on the TV of his childhood home.

Even when Gemma comes through the front door, making what could be considered as too much noise, taking her shoes off and hanging her coat, his eyes don’t leave the flat screen. This gives his sister a minute to admire how comfortable and relaxed he looks. His loose curls fall on a green wool sweater, which reminds her of the day she had tried to borrow it and had to take it off because it was itchy on her skin. The blanket sitting over his lap barely shows a pair of jeans, which cover the rainbow socks that grandma had bought for Harry some years ago. It has always amazed her how much he craves wearing the clothes that sit in his old closet every time he comes home.

Just as Harry slightly turns his head towards the door, Gemma jumps and settles by her brother on the couch.

“Watching a rom-com, are we?”

“I thought I would try one for a change” Harry teases with a wide smile. “You’re lucky, I only started it 10 minutes ago”.

“Well, I’m really tired from work so I can’t promise to stay awake through the whole thing” comes followed by a yawn.

Harry pulls the blanket over his sister and puts an arm around her shoulders. Not many words follow the conversation, Gemma really is as tired as she stated, but her mere presence is enough for Harry to feel safe, sheltered.

From the very first day when One Direction’s hiatus began, Harry had known that he wanted to return home and spend time with his family. Touring around the world and performing on stage with his best mates; that was an opportunity he’d forever be grateful for, no doubt. He couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed sometimes, though.

Harry had always been a very genuine person, who liked to fool around and simply be himself. Cameras pointing at him at all times, management controlling his every move… it was all too much. Despite being quite private, he enjoyed making new friends and socializing. “You can always learn something from everyone” his mum had once told him. But having turned into a popstar so fast meant that he could never tell people’s true intentions. He hated the idea of people approaching out of interest, looking for fame or money.

Because of this, there was something about being back in his birthplace that grounded him. In the warmth of Homes Chapel, he was just Harry. He was still the brother, the son, that had left the house at only 16 years of age. His old bedroom filled with posters and CDs was only a staircase away. The same bed that held him in his sleep through so many years of high school still covered in the same sheets.

Behind the feelings of fondness that he felt about this place, a little sting had surfaced not too long ago. He couldn’t ignore it anymore. Now well rested and appreciative of his family’s company, he had started to miss music. It was his greatest passion. Most of One Direction’s songs had been written by Louis and Liam, but Harry had always enjoyed song writing. Specially since Niall taught him a bit of guitar, finding the lyrics to express his thoughts had become more of a necessity.

“I’m gonna go to bed, good night little brother” Gemma’s words startle Harry. He has missed the end of the movie, too caught up in his thoughts.

As the credits start rolling, she kisses him on the forehead and climbs the stairs, leaving Harry with a cold feeling on his left side. Luckily, that doesn’t last long. He is considering whether to rewind the movie – and find out if Steve had gone back to Italy – or go to bed, when Anne joins him in the living room.

“Did Gemma go to sleep already?” she inquires while pointing upstairs with her finger.

“She left a couple minutes ago, yeah. She was exhausted from work and she has that meeting to attend tomorrow morning. Come sit with me?”

“She’s been so busy lately, I haven’t sat with her for proper dinner in a while” Anne carefully closes the door behind her, hoping to be as quiet as possible. Her words almost come as a whisper. She turns off the TV and sits beside Harry. The warmth that has escaped with Gemma reappears.

“What’s on your mind, darling?” she asks while taking her son’s hands in hers. A little frown has formed in Harry’s forehead whilst deep in thought. He hadn’t even realised it was there.  
He pouts and stares at his lap, not knowing how to put his bundle of emotions into words.

“You’ve started to miss music and performing, haven’t you?” Anne simply knows. She might not have had the opportunity to see his son often during the past 5 years, but she finds it easy to read his face. It’s fascinating, how they can communicate in such a deep and personal way without opening their mouths. It’s almost like they have a secret language, far too complex for anyone else to understand.

“It’s more the writing process that I yearn really” Harry had learned a long time ago that a couple words would suffice for his mum to figure out what he meant. He sits up straighter and his back cracks five times.

“I have a feeling that if I go to your old desk right now, I’ll find at least a dozen of song ideas. How far from reality?”

“You’re two songs short” he smirked.

“A few too many mornings I’ve been woken up to the sound of the guitar since you’ve stayed here. I was starting to wonder when you’d want to do something about it”

“It’s only been two months mum, I don’t want to rush this. Making a solo album at some point has always been the plan, but I need it to be honest, heartfelt and well thought. It has to hold a piece of me” Harry’s eyes lit up with the mere thought. Anne couldn’t feel prouder.

“I’m not saying you should jump in and start recording tomorrow, but I will say that Robin told me during dinner that he had heard some promising melodies this afternoon” she gives him a big smile.

Harry knows that his family is absolutely supportive – has been every step of the way – and little comments like these make his heart grow a little inside his chest.  
“Where do I even start? This time there’s no management telling me: hey Harry, step by the studio tomorrow at 10, we’ll record a couple more songs. There are no four boys by my side, making the decisions with me. I’m on my own mum” his gut is doing all sorts of crazy flips and turns, the nerves already surfacing.

“You said it yourself, Harry. There’s no need to rush it. You don’t even need to decide what to do right away if you’re not sure. Come here” she pulls a doubtful Harry closer and gives him a hug. The task has gotten harder because he is much taller and broader than her. Nothing like the days when he was 4 years old and fit perfectly in her embrace. It feels good, regardless. It feels like home, Harry thinks.

“Maybe I could check out some labels, go on some interviews. I need to give shape to the image of the album in my head” he sounds a bit more confident now.

“Sounds like a great idea, but you don’t have to detail a plan now” she looks at the clock hanging above the TV “it’s almost midnight, you could use some sleep honey”.  
Harry yawns in response.

“Can you hold me for five more minutes before bed?” he looks at his mom with puppy eyes. The blanket is all tangled around his legs from the hug, but he’s comfortable. Her arms will always be comfortable to Harry.

“Just five minutes, and we’ll think about this over breakfast tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you mum” Harry closes his eyes, but tries not to fall asleep because it’s been years since Anne decided he was too big for her to carry him upstairs.

“Nothing to thank me for, I’m here for anything you need. No matter how famous you become, you will always be my baby. Remember?”  
Harry nods and tries to get lost in this moment, focusing only on the feeling of safety. He’ll deal with it tomorrow.


	2. Don't forget where you belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here comes the second chapter of the story. As I said on my previous post, it's inspired by the song in the title. I'd totally recommend listening to it before or after reading.  
> This is a necessary chapter to set the story, but the more intense action begins on the next one, so stay tuned for it.  
> Just to clarify, there are a few scene-jumps (closer and further in time) marked by three crosses (+++).  
> Details about my posting schedule will be added below the story.  
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy! xx

**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment. None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.**

>  
> 
> _ I've been away for ages _   
>  _ But I've got everything I need _   
>  _ I'm flicking through the pages _   
>  _ I've written in my memory _

 

Harry hasn’t rested much, his thoughts kept him awake for a couple hours before actually falling asleep. Yet he’s the first one to get up as the sun rises.

His palms cover his eyes for a minute. Damn it, he forgot to draw the curtains last night and now the light is killing him. Is this what being a vampire feels like? He chuckles at his own thought. Pushing the duvet aside requires a big effort, but as soon as he’s standing up energy floods him. He has always been a morning person.

He makes his bed to the sound of (I can’t get no) Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones – wondering what people would think of his hip swings if they saw him – and makes his way to the bathroom. The corridor is completely silent, the doors to his family’s rooms all closed. Ten careful steps later, he’s looking at his reflection on the mirror. Long curls frame his face – a particularly naughty one sticks up behind his head – and dark circles are prominent below the tired looking green eyes.

His morning routine has remained the same for several years. He brushes his teeth in the shower – it’s a great way to save water and time! – and wraps a towel around his hair as soon as he is out. On the way back to his room, the house persists dead silent, now with a hint of the lavender shampoo’s smell.

Starting up on his album is a bold decision, a little rushed if you may; he thinks while he pulls a plain blue sweater over his head, hiding a band T-shirt underneath. The closet doors are open, showing the old clothes that he’s so fond of. He had grown so fast since he left for X factor, that some of them don’t even fit anymore, but they smell like home. He quickly puts on a pair of jeans and makes his way for the kitchen downstairs.

+++

“Bye, Harry” Gemma gives him a peck on the cheek and runs across the kitchen, towards the front door.

“Wait!” He quickly grabs a sandwich from the counter and follows her to the car. “I made you a sandwich. I know you’ll be busy, but promise you’ll try to find a minute to eat. Please” Gemma has always been an amazing and caring big sister to Harry. She’d pick up the phone any time Harry needed to talk, no matter time zones, and gave him great advice. Harry was determined on being just as good to her, even better if possible, until the last of their days.

“Thank you, baby brother. Don’t worry, I will. Bye!”

Harry watches his sister leave and rushes inside before the pancakes burn. It’s only 5 minutes until Anne shows up in the kitchen.

“Good morning mum” a wide smile paints Harry’s face the second his mum sets foot in the kitchen.

“Morning sunshine. Here, let me-“

"No need. Sit mum, I’m almost done” Harry finishes setting the table and pours steaming tea into two mugs. One of them has a picture of the family on Gemma’s graduation day, the other one is simply coloured in navy blue. “Is dad having breakfast with us?”

“I’m afraid not. He’s on night shifts this week, we’ll let him sleep”

“Okay” Harry puts the third mug – a stripped purple one – back in the cupboard and sits.

“You seem chirpy this morning. Did you get any sleep or did you, as I suspect, spend the night thinking about yesterday?”

“The latter” he confesses as he sips the tea. “Before you tell me off, I must say it was worth it. I think I’ve made up my mind about what I want to do”.

Anne gives him a comforting look, encouraging him to keep going.

“You know how I talked about wanting my album to be sincere, to let my music do the talking? I don’t want to be Harry Styles anymore mum, not the person that the media shows me to be. I need an out from the spotlight, to really focus on my music. Maybe I could disappear for a bit while I write my album? Go someplace where no one really cares who I am. For that though, I need to find a team that understands my needs”

“Of course you do, love. You’re gonna have to make sure that they’re on the same page as you. No pushing their agendas. I don’t suppose you know of any team of the sort around here, do you? I’m sure it’s hard to find people who don’t want to use your fame to make millions” they’ve talked about Harry’s popularity many times, but it never gets easier for Anne to see his face turn sad at every mention of it.

“No…” Harry looks down for a second. “I thought I’d make a few calls today, see if I could make it work in the UK” he catches his mum’s eyes again “but it’ll certainly be difficult”

“You shouldn’t let a place tie you down, Harry. You’ve come so far, as long as you work hard for it we’ll be fine”. Anne is aware of how this conversation ends. But she knew it from the day Harry came back, she knew he’d have to leave some day.

“I was thinking I could go to New York?” It comes out as a question, but Harry doesn’t feel insecure, he knows what it takes to fulfil his dreams, and he’s sure that the sacrifice will be worth it. “I don’t plan on staying there for too long, though. I’d just attend some meetings and then I’d be back”.

“It’s alright honey, you do what you need to do. Don’t worry about us, okay? We’ve been here before. It’s hard on all of us, but you always come back, don’t you?” None of them is sure of when it happened, but they’re hugging close as these words are being said.

“Always”

“I’m so proud of you Harry, never forget that” she breathes to his ear, chocolate curls tickling her face. “We’ll talk to Gemma and Robin over dinner, and then we can decide on your flight for New York”.

+++

One week later, Harry sits at the back of a car taking him from the airport to the hotel. He has kept the trip on the down low, so he should be able to get there without any problems. Harry loves his fans, but sometimes he simply needs some privacy.

“How much time do we have left?” he asks the driver politely.

“Only 10 more minutes, Mr. Styles”

“We’ve been over this, Dan. You can call me Harry”

Harry needs a shower, and he should really call his mum. He’s talked to her twice since they said goodbye in Heathrow, but he needs her reassuring voice more than ever.

+++

He is on the verge of falling asleep – it’s not late at night, but jetlag is to blame – when Dan announces that they’ve arrived. When he steps out of the car there are only two expectant boys who ask for a picture, so it takes 2 minutes for Harry to walk inside the hotel.

As the doors open, memories flood Harry’s mind. He had chosen the same hotel where One Direction would stay during world tours, which was contradictory to his wish for privacy, but going anywhere else didn’t feel quite right. He is on a new path, but he can never forget his roots, where he comes from. He feels nostalgic, but there’s strength in this vulnerability.

He checks in and gets his key, but he doesn’t take the lift to the room right away. Instead, he stays in the middle of the hall, looking around.

The entire building is decorated in a posh and fancy manner, but not too ostentatious. To his left is the door that leads to the dining room, where the boys would compare the catering’s meals to Harry’s home-made full English breakfasts, where they’d tease Liam for his fear of spoons, where Zayn would laugh at the rest of them crying over the spiciness. To both sides of the front desk still stand several palm trees, behind which they’d hide from Paul when they refused to go to interviews. People weren’t mistaken when they said they were a naughty bunch. Being here without them is one of the most bizarre things that Harry can remember to have experienced, but it somehow makes him feel closer to them.

On the far-right corner, he can still see the cork noticeboard that they had signed the first day they stayed in New York. Different marker colours represented the little changes they would add every time they came back.

Harry doesn’t think twice, he takes long strides towards the counter in the entrance.

“May I borrow a pen, m’am?”

He walks over to the noticeboard and draws a green star next to his name. He runs his fingers over his bandmates’ names in the rugged material and can’t hold back a smile. He misses it. The whole thing. Not seeing his four brothers almost 24 hours a day still feels weird to him. But he’s grateful for this opportunity, he reminds himself.

As he returns to the front desk and hands out the pen, the tiredness kicks in again.

He faces security and points at his luggage “I think I can carry these upstairs on my own. You can go home, thank you”

Humming to a song he heard on the radio on his way to the hotel, he waits for the lift to take him to the 4th floor. He knows the way to the room almost by heart, and as soon he unlocks the door he collapses on the bed. Using up the last of his energy to ring his family, he’s ready to call it a night.

“I’ll be alright” is his last thought before he falls asleep between the freshly cleaned sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to post twice a week, one chapter on wednesdays and another one on saturdays. I hope that works for you.  
> Any comments and constructive criticism are welcome, I'd love to read your feedback.  
> Thank you again for reading!  
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au


	3. Girl almighty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry comes across a special someone by what seems like pure coincidence. Is it really coincidence, though?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Here is the third chapter of the story. Like I promised, here is when the action begins, so get ready for some ups and downs.  
> I recommend again to listen to the song that gives this piece a title, before or after reading, as it represents the main vibe of it.  
> With a new character added to the story, there are going to be several changes of point of view (all well indicated). I felt like it is interesting to know how both of them react so differently/similarly to the same storyline.  
> Thank you again for reading, I hope you enjoy this as much I did writing it, xx

**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment . None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.**

 

> _Am I the only, only believer?_
> 
> _There's something happening here_

 

The first morning in New York had started smoothly. Over breakfast, Harry had decided to keep it light for the day and planned only two meetings. Both had been decent, but maybe not as impressive as he had expected them to be.

The first team seemed happy to help in any way they could, but a little overexcited about having the one and only, Harry Styles, work with them. Although he appreciated the compliments, Harry needed to get away from his fame for the album. That was the core of his work: letting the music do the talking. The Harry Styles people knew him as mustn’t interfere.

The second team had given him a humbler impression, and they had years of experience in the music industry. Yet he can’t shake the feeling that something had been missing. Harry wrote down the name in the list of possible labels. He still wishes he had felt more of a connection with them.

The search has only started, though. Harry is not going to allow himself to be impatient. No way. He has promised himself not to rush it, to keep looking until something clicks, until it feels right. As he’s discretely having a walk along the crowded streets, he decides to have a drink when he gets back to the hotel. It’s not a proper celebration yet, but he deserves to treat himself for taking the step. Yes, he does.

+++

He arrives at the hotel two hours later. The feelings of bliss haven’t faded. He makes his way to the bar, wondering if it will be too busy. Anyone that has met Harry knows that he tends to start conversations with everyone, always kind and polite. That’s exactly what he has done in his frequent visits to this bar, so the staff welcome him as a friend. He hopes that the night will be quiet enough to chat with them for a while.

When Harry opens the door, the establishment is almost empty, indeed. It shouldn’t come as a surprise, it is a Tuesday in January after all. If the packed streets he saw before were any indication, the city was running around working hard and probably didn’t have much spare time.

He orders his drink but doesn’t sit down while waiting. He leans against the counter and has a look around. He spots a group of businessmen at the back, who seem to have had a successful day. They’re toasting to something he can’t hear properly from where he’s standing. There are a few more groups of people behind them, but Harry doesn’t recognize any of them.

It’s when he’s about to sit down that he sees a familiar lean figure about 4 chairs to the right. He’s wearing painfully skinny black pants and a grey band sweater covered by a denim jacket. There’s a beanie in the counter, which probably explains the slight messiness of his hair. He’s smilingly chatting with the barista, his eyes, as blue as ever, lighting up every few seconds.

Harry feels something twist in his stomach. This has completely caught him off guard. As the barista places a glass in front of him, he takes a deep breath and heads towards the boy with a grin. He’ll talk to the staff later.

+++

_Louis’ POV _

Louis shouldn’t be so shocked when he sees Harry walk in. He definitely shouldn’t. It was him who heard that Harry was flying to New York and decided to do something about it. Shit. It was him who put off the interviews in LA and arranged meetings in New York for this week. His management’s face had been priceless. No one knew about the real reason why he’d done that, though, so he wasn’t in trouble.

But so many things could have gone wrong. He couldn’t even be sure that Harry would be staying at their hotel. He obviously had hoped so, but there was no way to confirm it without telling anyone about his plan. It would sound very weird to ask about his friend’s whereabouts with no intention of hanging out with him, wouldn’t it? What was he thinking? The odds of running into Harry in such a big city were minimal.

Yet here he is, watching Harry’s long strides towards the counter. He looks away so quickly, that had anyone seen him, they would have thought he’d see the devil. He needs to calm down. If he changed his schedule for a slight possibility of seeing Harry, it was no one’s business but his own.

When he stops feeling the blood pounding in his ears, Louis looks to the left, as discretely as he can. And he’s shocked, yet again. It’s been two months since he last saw Harry, and now he’s standing right there. The heels had been so loud when Harry walked in, that Louis had already noticed the big brown leather boots. The combination of heels and those grey jeans that stick to Harry’s skin as if they were glued make his long legs look like they have no end. He is wearing a basic white T-shit – with a little black heart on the pocket – underneath a red plaid flannel. He’s holding a cosy looking jacket that matches the boots under his arm. The outfit is pretty casual for Harry. Louis would have expected him to wear a colourful shirt with its upper buttons opened, showing Harry’s chest. It takes him a few years back, when Harry kept wearing beanies and flannels. He looks impeccable.

Louis can see him look around. He’s probably trying to spot Caroline, the barista that he had befriended during one of their tours. Harry made friends wherever they’d go. It’s when a drink is placed in front of Harry that Louis realises: he only has a few more seconds to internally freak out until he spots him.

Louis looks down at his glass, trying to calm himself down and pretending to have no idea that Harry is coming towards him. He’s gonna play it cool. They’re friends, right? Harry is one of the few people with whom Louis feels safe and comfortable. He knows he can be himself with him. Louis loves Harry’s company. Damn it. He shouldn’t be nervous. He’s gonna try to enjoy this.

“Hi!” a shy but deep voice startles Louis, and he forces himself to look up. He is met with a pair of kind green eyes, glowing like precious emeralds. Judging by the softness of his expression, Harry appears to be genuinely pleased to see Louis.

+++

_Harry’s POV _

“Hello you! Well this is unexpected. How nice to see you mate!” Louis gets up and gives Harry a careful hug, seemingly trying to hide his embarrassment after such a shaky voice. He looks a little bit uncomfortable, but his eyes do seem happy.

“Relax Lou, no one can see us here. No need to be on guard” Harry tries to reassure him as he caresses Louis’ elbow. Harry knows how to push his buttons, and as weird as it may sound, that subtle touch always works to make Louis catch up with his breathing.

"Right. Sorry” Louis looks around with a worried face. “Habits, you know?” As he makes eye contact with Harry again, he seems to calm down a little.

“Yeah… So, what has you sitting here on your own? I thought you said you’d be quite busy doing nothing when we took a break” he teases “I’m just gonna sit on my couch and watch crappy telly until I’m sick of it” he mimics Louis, trying to imitate his accent.

“Oi! I could ask you the very same question, Mr I’m-gonna-go-home-and-spend-some-time-with-my-family-and-cook-breakfast-for-them-every-morning”

“Wow, Tommo the tease doesn’t ever rest, huh?” The little background noise completely disappears from Harry’s senses when the older boy licks his lips.

Louis sips his drink and goes back to the question “I did get bored of crappy TV, much earlier than expected to be honest. I’m working on a collab with another artist before I start thinking about my album”

“Congrats! You’re ahead of us all” Harry couldn’t be prouder of him. As playful as he was, he had always balanced the group. It was about time he got the recognition he deserved.

“I must admit, I got bored too. I’m here checking out some labels, trying to plan out my album” “I bet you’ve already started writing. Impossible to keep you away from music for more than a week” Louis had to be one of the few people – besides his mum – who knew Harry almost better than he knew himself.

“Bingo. I just write a lot. It feels almost necessary for me to express my emotions”

“Oh, aren’t you the biggest sap ever?” Louis hits Harry on the shoulder tenderly.

“Well, may I remind you that I learnt song writing from you? You’re just good. Almost all of your songs made it to the albums because it comes naturally to you. Let the rest of us try, eh?”

“Sure, Harold. Try as hard as you must. You’ll never give me a run for my money” Louis is smiling wide at this point.

“Yeah, watch out for me. I might surprise you one day”

“One thing I do have to admit” Harry can feel Louis’ fond eyes on his own “You’ve always been more hard working than I am. You’re incredibly passionate about what you do, and I’ll always admire that about you, Haz” Harry’s heart warms up inside his chest. He’s missed this. Honest, heartfelt conversations, mixed with humour and teasing that always keep him on edge. And maybe the pet name too. It really is fascinating how they oscillate between light and deep conversations so easily. He’ll never get enough of Louis.

“How’s this? You give me the tips for being an amazing lyricist, and I give you the key to my work ethic?”

“I’m afraid that’s not how it works” Louis chuckles “but we can try”.

“I’d be happy to. An opportunity to hang out with you and learn in the process, what a dream…” Louis coughs. Crap. Maybe Harry took it too far. He doesn’t know where they stand, he should’ve been more careful.

Louis shifts his sleeve a little, checking a black watch on his thin wrist. His mouth opens slightly when he catches sight of the time.

“I’m afraid I’m gonna have to leave you here by yourself. I’ve got a meeting at ungodly hours of the morning tomorrow. Try not to bore the staff here too much”

“I’m not boring, just friendly”

“Sure, whatever you say” Louis smirks.

“Get some rest, Lou. Bye!” Was that an appropriate way to say goodbye? Harry is suddenly getting nervous.

“Have a fun night, Harry” Louis pulls Harry into a hug and leaves.

It seems that it hasn’t made Louis that uncomfortable then. Harry guesses that’s a good sign. But there’s no point in overthinking it. It’s not like he’s gonna see Louis often anyway. Management made sure of that by making the space between them bigger and bigger with each PR stunt.

Trying to avoid the sudden lump on his throat, Harry orders another drink and begins a conversation with the barista. Maybe he’ll ask about Caroline in a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, any comments and constructive criticism are welcome, I'd love to read your feedback.  
> Thank you again for reading!  
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au


	4. Walking in the wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strings shorten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!  
> Here's the fourth chapter of the story. This is a long one, and with good reason, as many things happen this time.  
> As usual, I recommend listening to the song in the title before or after reading. There are lots of different scenes and distractions, but each chapter holds one major message that is in a way represented by the song.  
> Just in case, I should warn you that there's smutt here. If you think it could make you uncomfortable, I advise you not to read it. You can leave a comment for me to summarize the main events, so that you can keep reading the next chapters.  
> Thank you again for reading!

**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment . None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.**

 

> _W e had some good times, didn't we?_   
>  _W e had some good tricks up our sleeve_   
>  _G oodbyes are bittersweet_

 

Wednesday morning barely differs from the previous day, only one more appointment this time. Harry sits in the backseat of the car, feeling joyful. The logical reason for the joy is that the meetings went well, the teams from today seemed to connect better with him. Harry can safely call today a success.

He would never admit this out loud, but there might be another reason why he’s so chirpy. It’s a bit stupid maybe, but he is holding on to the hope of seeing Louis again in the bar. He doesn’t know anything about his schedule, and meeting him yesterday was probably a mere coincidence. But what if he frequents the bar at the same time each night? What if he wants to see Harry too? Now, that’s taking it too far. Not in that way. Of course, Louis would be happy to see Harry. They are friends, aren’t they? But Louis surely hasn’t given this that much thought. He can’t possibly have spent this much time calculating the odds. Maybe he is at the bar waiting for Harry to arrive. But why would he? He’s busy. He’s likely minding his own business.

One thing Harry is sure of: his day will get a thousand times better – and it’s already been fantastic – if he comes across Louis this evening.

Remaining hopeful, Harry arrives at the hall, but doesn’t head directly to the bar. It is a bit earlier than yesterday, so he goes to his room for a change of clothes. Staring at the suitcase, he decides to go for black skinny pants, the same boots as yesterday – they do make his legs look amazing – and a striped shirt that he unbuttons until his butterfly tattoo shows a bit. It’s still cold outside, but the bar is indoors, so he’ll be fine. He puts his curls in a bun and walks downstairs, more excited than he’d like to admit.

It’s like a 5-metre high wave hits him when he opens the door and doesn’t see Louis anywhere. He feels all of the warmth leave his body. An emptiness forms in his chest. Regardless, keeping his composure, he orders a drink and sits down on a table near the window. He waits for an hour, getting his hopes up every time he hears the door get swing open, something breaking inside him every time he realises that it’s not Louis.

He should have seen it coming. For all he knew, Louis could be in a different city, even a whole other country at the moment. It had been really naïve to expect to see those blue eyes here. It’s not like Louis had promised him to return today. He should have subtly asked him about his plans to avoid this suffering. But why is he having such an impact in Harry? His day had been awesome, after all. He has plenty to celebrate, yet he finds himself with a knot in his stomach.

+++

Even after the huge disappointment, Harry still finds himself getting ready for the bar in his room the next evening. He’s perfectly aware that the odds of seeing Louis today are even slimmer, yet he’s even more hopeful. That just makes no sense. Whatever.

This time he picks white skinny trousers – a bold choice, some would say, but he rocks in them – and a coral shirt, unbuttoning it exactly the same way. He opts to wear his hair down, and runs his fingers through the curls to tame them a little bit. He opens a purple shiny bag in his suitcase and pulls out a long necklace, hanging it around his neck. Determined to walk into the bar at the precise same time, he uses his last 5 minutes to paint his nails: all of them in black except for the pinkie in the left hand, which he colours in dark plum.

He opens the door with trembling hands, and his heart skips a beat when he sees Louis standing in the very same chair as last time.

+++

_Louis’ POV_

Louis has been at the bar, standing in this very chair, for two hours already. He had been incredibly busy yesterday, and had arrived at the hotel at 2 am. As exhausted as he was, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Harry. He had no idea about his whereabouts, maybe he wasn’t even staying in New York for long. But there was a chance, a tiny one, that he’d return to the bar. And Louis hadn’t been able to make it to the damn bar. It was the doubt that was killing him, not knowing if he had missed a beautiful chance to meet those green eyes one more time. He had even considered asking the barista about Harry, but that was going a bit too far. He didn’t want to start any rumours either.

That doubt has him with the intention of spending every minute he can in this chair, just in case there is any opportunity at all to see him again. He feels a little ridiculous. What would Harry think if he knew how much time he’d spent thinking about him? Wasn’t it weird to have a friend so present in one’s thoughts? It had been clear for a while, ever since that chilly night in 2016, that they were simply that: friends.

He is getting so desperate it is almost embarrassing. He needs another drink.

“Can I have another--”

“Make it two, please” Just like that, in a second, Harry is standing next to him.

Louis wants to get up and hug Harry, but his limbs don't obey his orders. It’s like he’s frozen, but the world still turns and Harry takes a seat next to him.

“Hi! I didn’t know you were still staying in New York. I couldn’t find you here yesterday” so Harry had been waiting for him. Okay, maybe the feeling is mutual. That is good, right? Harry wanting to hang out with him _is_ good.

“Yeah… I was busy all day long. Came back to the hotel at 2 am. I don’t suppose you were still here in the AM?” Louis decides to tease him a bit, it’s probably the best way to get himself to stop freaking out.

“That explains it” Harry’s eyes light up.

“I’m leaving tomorrow though, I have a flight for LA in the afternoon” something twists Louis’ insides.

“Oh”

The barista sets two glasses on the counter and both young men take a sip at the same time. Looks like Harry needs that little push as much as Louis does.

“Is that a little stubble that I see on your face, young Harold?” Yeah, Louis is definitely going to play the teasing card. Anything to relieve the tension in the room.

“As a matter of fact, it is. Turns out that I do grow facial hair”

“Oh, look at you, all masculine. You could never grow a proper beard, though” before Louis can think about what he’s doing, his hand is caressing Harry’s chin. He quickly takes the hand to his lap.

“That’s true. I just hope my curls make up for it” he chuckles and touches the exact same spot where Louis’ hand had been seconds before.

“Oh, they absolutely do”

“You’re such a flirt” the conversation is taking a sharp turn, every word aimed at flirting at this point. They can’t help it, it comes naturally to the both of them. Louis observes that Harry is going along with it, so there’s no reason to stop, is there?

“Everyone tells me, I’ve got a strong game”

“Really? It doesn’t seem to be working with me…” Harry grins, dimples showing big on the sides of his smile.

“Isn’t it?” Louis fixes his sight in those delicate green eyes in front of him. He could assure that an entire world lives in the sparkle that covers them. He can feel strings tying his body to Harry’s, getting shorter every second.

Harry breaks eye contact to finish the remaining liquid in his glass. Without a word, he pats Louis’ thigh and gets up.

“Going somewhere?” he doesn’t understand what on earth is going on in Harry’s mind right now. They were in their own bubble seconds ago, and he has popped it in the blink of an eye.

“Upstairs. It’s already 11 pm. Time flies in good company, doesn’t it?”

“It’s eleven?” has Louis really spent four hours in this bar? He could have sworn it had been five minutes. “Yeah, time for bed I suppose. I do have to wake up early tomorrow.”

“Same here”

They walk towards the elevator, and wait for it in comfortable silence. Once they’re inside, their eye contact is so intense that it’d take all the strength within them to break it.

“Room 428?” Louis asks.

“Of course. Room 415, right?”

“Don’t pretend likeyou don’t know it. You’ve been in it several times” Oops? Maybe he took it too far? Remembering the nights they spent together might not be the best idea.

“There’s no point, is there?” Harry chuckles, but the elevator rings and the doors open.

They walk along the hallway together until they’re standing in front of their rooms. They had not picked them at random when they first stayed at this hotel. Louis’ room was opposite Harry’s, just a tiny bit to the right. That way, they could sneak in and out without anyone noticing.

Hesitant, Harry swipes his card and the door opens.

Louis leans against his door and watches Harry disappear. “Goodnight curly”

“Sweet dreams Lou”

+++

_ Harry’s POV  _

Harry lets his body slide down the door and sits on the floor. He can’t put a name to what he’s feeling right now, his insides doing all kinds of somersaults and flips. It feels so good, seeing Louis. But he craves more. He craves so much more. He literally had to force himself to get up in the bar, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to stop the direction of their conversation.

He can’t put their friendship at risk. They promised each other that they’d remain friends forever. No matter the obstacles. No matter the media. Having Louis in his life is a must. He can’t ruin it by wanting more. They’d been doing so well since they had the talk. It had hurt, for sure. His heart remained broken. But they had gotten good at it, at simply hanging out, alone and with the boys. Enjoying each other’s company.

Harry knows that nothing has changed. The circumstances and obstacles are the same. If he’s aware of that and totally understands it, why would he let himself catch feelings again? It was stupid. Dressing up and being all flirty. Why was he stupid enough to think that something would be different this time around? Maybe it isn’t too late. It’s only been two nights. He still isn’t deep enough for the feelings to cement, is he? He can reverse the whole thing.

He gets up and sits on his bed. He doesn’t want to succumb to these feelings, but it feels so good. He feels alive. He had promised himself, no more repressing feelings. Damn. He isn't making any snese. He’s screwed.

+++

_Louis’ POV _

Louis closes the door behind him. Fuck. Not again. He had genuinely tried so hard to have a regular friendship with Harry, but it was too damn difficult. Truth be told, their relationship was never going to be regular, that wasn’t what they were. All of the moments shared, forever unforgettable.

They had talked about it a thousand times: management was on the way, they couldn’t make it work. They were going to be friends, keep it on the down low, and enjoy a healthy friendship. Jokes on them, that had been impossible since the very first moment.

Louis thinks about Harry, only a hallway away. How does he feel about it? Maybe it’s all in his head, maybe Harry has not even noticed the sparkles firing up again between them again. Nah, no way. There’s no way he hasn’t seen Louis make a fool of himself, flirting with him. He did seem to go along with it, though.

What if Harry feels the same? Louis splashes some fresh water to his face and stares at his reflection on the bathroom mirror. He’s not going to sleep tonight. How can he? It isn’t fair to him, to Harry, to bottle up the feelings and act like everything is fine. He’s leaving tomorrow, he can’t possibly get out of this hotel without talking to Harry first. But, is Harry going to be there in the morning? They haven’t talked about his schedule. Shit. Louis would never forgive himself if he were to keep these feelings a secret.

He’s going to talk to him. Yes, he is. He steps foot in the hallway and forces himself to knock on Harry’s door before he can realise how stupid this is, before he can chicken out. As his knuckles hit the wood, he feels his entire body go crazy. He’s sweating a river, and his instincts are telling him to run. But his feet are as heavy as rocks, so he simply stands there, his heart on a sleeve.

+++

_Harry’s POV_

Harry is still sitting on his bed when he hears a light knock on the door. Damn it. He doesn’t feel like seeing anyone at the moment. He needs time to himself, to decide how he’s going to handle these feelings. He’s usually good at putting on a smile and being polite and charming. The thought of it makes him sick to his stomach this time. As he gets up, he hopes that it’s just room service, someone who got the room number wrong.

He opens the door tiredly and

“Louis?”

There he is. The cause of the lump in his throat. Standing right in front of him, looking flustered, but beautiful as ever. Louis closes the door behind him and opens his mouth, but no words come out. Harry is suddenly taking a step towards him, barely aware of what he’s doing. His body seems to be moving, but it’s all too much for Harry to process. He stares at the blue eyes he fell in love with so many years ago, and he sees into Louis’ soul. He’s a bit nervous, but also excited. His body movements seem to be out of his control too.

It’s like they’re puppets tied to strings. Strings between them that are shrinking every second, making them feel a pull towards each other. Like two fish swimming against the current, barely hanging on. It’s as though a higher energy controls their every move, every action, every feeling. But there’s no such thing. It’s just them. Louis and Harry. In this hotel room. Being drawn to each other. Harry’s knees are so weak, that he feels the sudden need to sit, but he can’t move.

The room is silent, none of them able to speak a single word, their fast breathings filling the air.

“I-” Louis begins, but Harry realizes he doesn’t need it. Suddenly, he doesn’t need an explanation. He doesn’t need to understand why their bodies are getting closer together by the second. Words are no longer important. Their bodies are speaking for themselves. He takes one last step towards Louis and without even thinking about it, he presses their lips together.

There’s an urgency about the kiss, all of the build up from the last three days clearly showing, but he somehow manages to place his hand on Louis’s cheek carefully. It’s been way too long, but he can still recognize the way Louis’ lips taste and feel in his mouth. A bit chapped, but soft in their own way. Certain things just don’t change. And in an instant Harry pulls back.

He doesn’t understand. What is happening? His brain can’t manage to put the pieces of the puzzle together, can’t seem to grasp what’s going on. He looks at Louis’ lips, then up at his eyes – scared, not understanding either – and all it takes is another glance at the blown pupils in front of him to have their lips crashing again. There’s no stopping it this time.

Louis’ lips slightly open, inviting his tongue inside shyly. Their mouths move in total coordination, as their bodies connect, saying everything that they can’t say. Louis puts his hands on the small of Harry’s back and presses their bodies together. His fingertips sinking in Harry’s flesh, a little moan escapes his mouth. Without separating their lips, he turns Harry’s body and locks him between his own and the wall.

Harry slowly slides down until their heads are at the same level and begins pressing wet kisses to Louis’ jawline. In a second, Louis puts his warm hand underneath the coral shirt, tracing every bit of skin on his way to Harry’s chest. He kisses every tattoo and stops to suck at his right nipple. Harry can’t help but put his head back in pleasure when Louis kisses the place where his neck meets his shoulders, and Louis uses his other hand to palm Harry’s cock over those painfully skinny white pants. Harry’s body shows him exactly how much he wants him.

Their hard cocks pressed together, Louis returns to Harry’s lips as he tugs his shirt, leading the younger man to the bed. Clumsily, trying not to separate their bodies, Harry sits down on the mattress and Louis rips off the coral shirt, teasing with his tongue every time he unbuttons it. Harry collapses backwards, his hands cupping Louis’ precious ass.

“Take off your pants and turn around” Louis orders him, and Harry does. Looking over his shoulder, he can see Louis stripping off and returning to the bed as quick as he can, placing kisses all over Harry’s broad back. Moving a hand from the dimples at the back of his spine downwards and putting a finger down Harry’s underwear, he whispers “is this okay?” to his ear. All he gets in response is a muffled moan and an impatient nod.

He manages to take off Harry’s briefs with one hand, spreading his but cheeks with the other one. Following Harry’s spine, his tongue ends up circling his rim, drawing a “fuck” from the younger man’s mouth. Harry resists every urge to thrust onto the sheets when Louis introduces his tongue in his hole, all of his muscles clenching and unclenching wildly. His entire body is tingling at the wonders of Louis’ mouth, getting in and out in changing patterns. He can’t get enough of it.

In between moans, Harry stretches his right hand and anxiously taps a drawer. Louis grins and opens it, his body pressed to Harry’s back, as he gets out the lube and condom he finds. He bites Harry’s earlobe and the green eyes meet his in a painful neck turn.

“Need you inside me, now”. It’s so hard to speak. It’s taking all of Harry’s strength not to moan _way too loudly_ right now.

He looks at Louis’ dripping cock, and it’s so hard he doesn’t even need to work on him. He strokes it two times and puts on the condom, proceeding to cover them both in lube. Maintaining intense eye contact with Harry – even if it’s a weird and uncomfortable position, none of them wants to take off their eyes from each other – he plays with the tip of his cock on Harry’s rim, and slowly introduces it up the hole. Harry can’t contain a shiver at the feeling of Louis inside of him, feeling so full, but tries his best to remain still as Louis looks for his prostate with every thrust.

There’s no need to ask when he finds it, as Harry’s back arches suddenly and fists the sheets instinctively. Louis lowers the rhythm, perfectly aware of what this does to Harry.

“Fuck Lou, fuck me harder, please, harder” Harry is begging for it now. Louis knows exactly how to drive Harry crazy. They’re a mess of moans and sweat when Harry grabs Louis thigh and tells him to stop. Confused, Louis pulls his cock out, and their bodies instantly miss their contact, but Harry turns around, finally freeing his cock, and looks at Louis’ eyes mischievously. “I want you to ride me, need you to ride me”.

Harry now has his back on the mattress, holding Louis close to his chest. Louis sucks at his collarbones, pressing tempting kisses on his neck, making it hard for Harry to concentrate on opening him up. But Louis barely needs any prep, his body shaking crazily when Harry introduces the third finger. He places his hands on Harry’s chest, and shifts to kiss him sloppily. He looks at Harry’s eyes, now dark with fully blown pupils and sits down, getting as much of Harry’s enormous dick inside him as he can. They quickly start taking speed, their bodies almost crashing together as Harry starts to thrust upwards to help Louis. “I’m so close, Haz”.

Harry opens his mouth to say that’s he’s on the verge too, when he suddenly comes inside of Louis, moaning _way too loudly_. It’s the feeling of Harry’s warm cum inside of him that makes Louis come immediately after, without even touching himself. They ride out their orgasms with linked lips, moaning into their mouths, their bodies shocked from the experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> As usual, I'd love to hear your feedback. I'm going to be experimenting a bit with different types of scenes (fluff, smutt, angst) on this journey. So feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments.  
> I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it!  
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au


	5. They don't know about us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations, feelings and tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Back again with the 5th chapter of the story. This is a very emotional one, so you should grab some tissues just in case. I apoligise in advance for the angst, but it will get better, I promise.  
> There are jumps in time between scenes, and changes of points of view because I thought it'd be interesting to explore how each of them deals with the situation.  
> As always, I recommend listening to the song in the title before or after reading, and you may even find some hidden lyrics here and there ;)  
> I really hope you enjoy this, x

**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment. None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.**

 

> _ They don’t know what we do best, that’s between me and you, our little secret _

 

Louis lays staring at the ceiling, Harry’s head resting on his chest, moving a bit with every breath he takes. He’s drawing little circles on Harry’s back, holding him in his arms. They remain like that for a while, trying to enjoy the peace of the moment that they know will have to be broken at some point.

The air in the room is humid and sweaty, but the tension has disappeared. Their bodies communicating in ways that words can’t express, they had come back to each other in a heartbeat. This soft skin to skin contact makes them feel at home. Harry remembers that pleasant feeling with nostalgia, knowing that it isn’t here to stay. There’s a comfortable silence that none of them wants to interrupt, but time goes by and it’s almost inevitable now.

“Lou, we need a shower” Harry looks up at Louis’ eyes and almost whispers into his neck.

Louis takes long to respond. He’s trying to let the last seconds of this paradise sink in, until he has to acknowledge reality.

“We do, Haz” without another word, he carefully moves Harry’s head onto the pillow, lifts the sheets and gets up. He stretches his back and starts gathering his clothes, all scattered around the room. Throwing one last fond glance at Harry, he gets dressed and closes the door behind him.

Harry has to drag himself to the bathroom, not wanting to leave the safe place that this bed has suddenly become. The water running down his body, he tries to enjoy the last bits of feeling Louis’ hands on his body, the mere memory making him shiver. He knows what’s coming. The stiches in his heart are very weak, they won’t hold. This conversation they’re unavoidably going to have is going to rip it all to shreds again.

He tries to convince himself that he’ll be fine, but it’s much easier said than done. He takes his time to wash his curls, being under the impression that treating himself will give him some strength to go on. Harry realises that he’s been in the bathroom for over 15 minutes, probably scared to go out and have to face Louis. There’s no point in putting it off, is there? It’s gonna hurt him all the same.

He wraps his hair in a blue towel and opens the white door. He definitely has been in the bathroom for too long. Louis is sitting on the edge of the bed. His hair is wet and he’s wearing black trackies and a white T-shirt. He’s probably going to ask for one of Harry’s sweaters at some point.

Harry looks at his suitcase with the intention of just slipping on some underwear, like he would every day before bed. Then he realises it’s more appropriate to put on at least a T-shirt if they’re going to have a serious talk. He picks black sweatpants and a pink pocket T-shirt, gets clothed in silence, and sits down next to Louis. It’s in this moment that their eyes meet for the first time since Harry got out of the shower.

“We fucked up” Louis’ voice comes out like a whisper, barely audible to Harry, who has only heard him because everything else but Louis has faded away for him.

“Don’t talk about this like it’s a simple mistake, Louis. Just- don’t. It’s not fair to us” he sounds badly hurt.

“But… We promised… I can’t… It’s… Back again… Same shit” apparently Louis’ brain is not cooperative. Fuck. He takes a deep breath and tries again “Why do we always find ourselves here? We never learn Harry, we’ve been here before”

“We both know we can’t do this. We’ve been told too many times already. If management finds out about this… we’re screwed, Louis”

“I know. But how is this any different from last time? We promised Harry. For fucks sake, we promised each other never to let it happen again. It’s not only about the sex” Harry nods, knowingly.

“It’s the feelings. I’m back at square one, back falling for you and I’m under the impression that you’re feeling the same” Louis confesses.

“Do you think we just can’t help it? What does that mean, Louis? Are we supposed not to see each other ever again? Can’t we be bloody adults and have this under control?”

“You tell me, Harry. We thought we could and look at us now. All it took was for us to be in the same hotel to break that promise, to fall back into each other’s arms again.”

“You know I can’t not see you Louis. You know we can’t just walk away from this”

“I’m not saying we should. Shit Harry, do you think that’s what I want?”

“Of course not. We’ve talked about this before” Harry feels the urge to hug Louis, and maybe sit him on his lap and hold him forever. But he doesn’t, unsure of where that would take them.

“You mean too much to me, Harry. You mean way too much for me to sever all ties. We can’t let them break us apart again”

“It’s the same fucking situation, Louis. The same damn obstacles. Management watching our every move, constantly reminding us of what happens if people find out. I’m sick of it. There’s no healthy way to deal with this!” Harry’s eyes are all shiny, he tries to hold the tears in, but one look at the hurt blue eyes next to him and he’s sobbing.

“Harry, don’t you dare sob now. You know I’ll start crying if you don’t stop” Louis’ voice breaks. It hurts too much.

“Having this conversation is stupid anyway, isn’t it? You’re leaving tomorrow, I’ll probably start working on my album in less than a month. It’s not like we’ll see much of each other anyway”

“Fuck Harry. How did we end up here? When did it all get so fucked up?”

“We need to stop this Louis, for good. I can’t possibly go on with my life if I can’t get you out of my head. I can’t give in to these feelings. I’m sorry, I just can’t”

“I know, you know I understand. It’s not any easier for me, I’m still in the damn closet, remember?”

“We are going to have to stop hanging out, aren’t we?”

“We’ll still see each other when we meet up with the boys” a glimpse of hope in Louis’ voice.

“I suppose” Harry gets up and stretches out his arm, holding out a hand to help Louis off the bed. He wraps his arms around Louis, almost making him disappear in a hug. Louis’ arms surround his neck, while Harry holds him close by the hips. Their bodies fit so well together, they almost melt into one single person. Holding him in his arms, he feels the last of his stitches break, leaving his heart torn, pieces all over the place.

“I lo-” Louis tries to whisper to Harry’s ear.

“Don’t. Don’t say it. Don’t make this any harder than it already is. Have fun with your new projects Louis, enjoy the opportunity and don’t let this set you back. I’ll see you soon enough” Harry breaks apart from the hug, his face wet with tears.

Louis dries his cheek with the back of his hand, and takes one last look at a broken young man that he knows he’ll miss for the rest of his life.

“Bye, Harry”

+++  
_Louis’ POV_

  
Louis is wearing sunglasses inside of plane. On January. On a rainy day. Surprisingly no one from his team has made any comment on them, but everyone has thought about it, for sure. The thing is, Louis doesn’t care.

He got through a meeting in the morning, looking as decent and well rested as possible. He had done an okay job at hiding how empty of life he felt. Now he is on a plane from New York to LA – busy schedule – having only one day to cry his heart out and get his shit together.

He is not going to cry here, tons of fans and paps are probably already waiting for him at the airport and creating any rumours is not an option. He’s stuck in this flight, which sucks, but at least he can pretend to be asleep and not have to talk to anyone for a while.

As he closes his eyes, he realises that this is the first moment in the entire day when he’s had time to think about last night profoundly. He feels a sting in his heart when the plane takes off: he’s leaving Harry behind.

He already misses Harry’s touch, craves it even. Past experience tells him that it’s better to grieve for as long as he can, to later supress his feelings, when he absolutely has to because there’s no other option. Bottling them up untouched always ends up creating a bigger mess when he breaks down. That’s exactly what he does.

His brain is screaming, begging him not to walk away. Begging for him to go back, grab Harry’s hand and run with him. Tell the world that they’re in love, have always been. But the world doesn’t know how special Harry is, what he’s done to Louis’ heart. And it just breaks them, places them miles apart.

It’s the lack of control over his own life that makes Louis miserable. When they first entered the industry, it made sense that they’d need advice from management. It was, in the end, thanks to their management that Louis was on this flight on his way to promote a new collaboration. And Louis can understand that they need to get involved in the business side of it, but his private life? His relationships?

Unfortunately, he has learned the hard way that he can’t do anything about it. He has to suck it up, and enjoy living his dream career, forgetting about how oppressed he feels. He needs to move on from Harry, once again.

Louis doesn’t know how he’ll manage to do it, but he will. He has to. He’d love to put love above everything else, but the truth is, he needs to help his family. Making a living for himself and all of his sisters is a huge responsibility that he can’t ignore. Doing so by working on music, his passion, is precious enough to hold on to it, despite what it means regarding his heart.

+++

_ Harry's POV _

  
Harry had promised himself: no more repressing his feelings. But what is he supposed to do? He has to carry on with his life, there is no other way to deal with this. Fortunately – or unfortunately – he doesn’t get much time to think about this, as he’s getting busier by the day.

It’s only been 11 days since Louis left when Harry sits beside his packed suitcase and calls home.

“Harry, love. I was think about calling you” Anne picks up the phone on the other side of the ocean, sounding pleased to hear her son’s voice.

“Hi, mum. How are you? How’s everyone doing?”

“I’m baking a cake right now and I’m afraid it’ll burn if I don’t keep an eye on it. Gemma is taking over, alright? Talk to you after, love you!”

Anne puts the phone on the table and Harry can hear her calling for Gemma. There’s silence for a minute until he can hear someone running down the stairs.

“Hello little brother! I didn’t think you’d call this early”

“Hi Gems! I wasn’t planning on doing it either, but I just got amazing news and I wanted to share them with you” Harry is incredibly excited about this and he knows his family will be buzzing when they find out.

“Go on, spill”

“Remember the one label I told you about on Wednesday? The one that Dan had recommended?”

“Yeah, they seemed nice. But didn’t you say they had a deal with someone else?”

“Well, it turns out they are willing to work with me. They didn’t give any details about this other artist. I dunno if they dropped out, or had to cancel for some reason. But they’ve offered to work on my album”

“Harry! That’s awesome! That’s your dream! Congratulations! When will you start? Didn’t you say they had studios in hidden places or something?”

“That’s the thing, they’ll have a studio available for Jamaica in two weeks”

“Jamaica? That’s far. But it’s perfect, isn’t it? You wanted your music to do the talking, right? You can relax and focus on music there, Harry. No paps following you around, just you and your guitar”

“Exactly. It’s like a dream come true. They’re sending me the specifics in a couple of days, but it’s pretty much a closed deal”

“We need to tell mum! She’s going to be buzzing. It smells like cake, I’ll go find her”

Another minute of silence. Harry stares at his suitcase still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he’s found the perfect opportunity to work on his music in the exact way he wanted to do it. He hears some muffled screams through the phone.

“Harry! What is this that I hear that you’re going to Jamaica to record your album? How did you not tell me the second I picked up?” Anne inquires, excitement clear in her voice.

“It’d really suck if I were to arrive at home tomorrow and have a burnt cake for a welcoming gift, wouldn’t it?”

“You’re coming home tomorrow? Harry, so many good news at once. You’re gonna kill us some day”

Harry chuckles “My flight leaves in 3 hours, I should arrive at Holmes Chapel around dinner time tomorrow. I’ll be staying at home for two weeks”

“We’ll celebrate as soon as you get here and you’ll tell us all about it. Every single detail. Now, shouldn’t you be on your way to the airport? We definitely don’t want you missing the plane, do we?”

“Dan is picking me up in 5”

“Alright, expect a call from your father in an hour when he gets back from work. You’ll still be at the airport so he’ll insist on phoning you. Have a safe flight, Harry. We love you and miss you”

“Miss you too. I’ll be there before you know it. Love you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I apologise for the tears again, but remember that it will get better, you just have to be patient.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.  
> The story is being quite successful so far, and I'm incredibly grateful for it. This started a simple thought in my head, and it makes me really happy to know that you have connected with it.  
> I'd love to hear your feedback, so any constructive criticism is welcome. Leave your thoughts in the comments, xx
> 
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au


	6. If I could fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry faces his emotions in front of the whole world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> I'm back with another chapter, and this one is a little short and entirely Harry centric. I'm sorry for that, but it's sort of an introduction for a new encounter.  
> To try to help you hold on to the sadness until saturday, I introduced some references to Harry's real words on some of his songs. Let me know how you think that they fit with this fictional story.  
> I had some technical difficulties and I couldn't insert the two images of the chapter properly, so you'll find a link in their place. I'm sorry for that ;')  
> As usual, I'd recommend listening to the song in the title before or after reading, because it holds the most important message of the chapter.  
> Thank you so much for reading!

**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment. None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.**

 

> Pay attention, I hope that you listen 'cause I let my guard down
> 
> Right now I'm completely defenseless
> 
> For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart

 

“Now, you made a bold move and went to Jamaica to record these songs. Could you explain why you chose to approach the album this way and what the experience was like?”

“Recording in Jamaica was incredible. It was exactly what I needed to work on this album and create music that um told the stories I wanted it to tell. I had been on the spotlight for 5 years, feeling like everyone knew everything there was to know about me. It felt almost impossible to have um a private life. This time around, I wanted to take some time away from it all and um try to let my heart express this side of me that I had never shown before”

Harry is sitting in a comfortable couch, many cameras pointing at him while he answers questions from an interviewer. His album was released only 3 days ago and he is now on his first week of promoting it before starting his world tour.

The sound of it had surprised not only his fans, but everyone who had known him from One Direction before. Even though he had talked about his musical influences many times in the past, being famous as a member of a pop boyband meant that no one saw this “new style” coming. Many songs had a 60’s touch to them, or showed a bit of David Bowie and The Rolling Stones. Despite the surprise, his two promotional singles Sign of the Times and Sweet Creature – released a month ago – had been up in the charts for several weeks, and the reaction to the album had been positive overall.

Most importantly, it feels like him. It feels like Harry Styles. Not the Harry Styles that the media depicts as a womanizer handsome man, but a side of Harry that has been hidden for a long time. Of course, people have jumped to conclusions and have tried to link each song to a possible love interest, but it is more about him than it was about anyone else. Harry did write from experience, but the focus was on how these people made him feel and evolve as a person, what these experiences had meant to him. He feels truly proud of the final piece, having accomplished the goal to let his music speak for him.

“Fans would like to know if there’s a deluxe edition coming, Harry. They say 10 songs isn’t enough” the interviewer laughs.

“Well, I can’t promise anything yet” Harry chuckles “but um there are a few songs that didn’t make it to the album but hold a special place in my heart, so we’ll see”

“Okay, I won’t keep you any longer. Here to perform some of his songs from his self-titled album, Harry Styles!”

It takes a couple minutes to get everything ready and Harry takes the stage. Just one look at the crowd and he remembers why performing is his passion. These people are here because they are genuinely interested in what he has to offer as an artist, they’re here to enjoy his music and maybe form an opinion on it. They’re not here to bother him about relationship rumours or ask him uncomfortable questions. This is the moment when Harry feels welcome, and most importantly, truly grateful to be living his dream.

“Good evening everyone. I’m Harry Styles from England and I’m here to perform some of my songs. Before I start, I need you to know that this is a safe place for everyone. You can be whoever you are, whoever you want to be here. I want you have a great time and feel comfortable”

The crowd cheers.

“The opening song is one of the first that I wrote for the album, the one I’m most proud of writing. This is Sign of The Times”. The first notes of the song fill the place, and Harry starts singing.

_Just stop your crying, it’s a sign of the times_

_Welcome to the final show_

_Hope you’re wearing your best clothes_

_You can’t bribe the door on your way to the sky_

_You look pretty good down here_

_But you ain’t really good_

 

 

 

<http://sstyles.tumblr.com/post/160808817598/harry-styles-performs-during-the-late-late-show>

 

Being the first single he had released, including its music video, most of the audience already knows the lyrics and sings along. As the end gets closer, Harry hits the high notes perfectly, and many fans can be seen wiping their tears away, touched by the heartfelt performance. Harry surely does know how to put emotion into his songs, and hearing his voice live does take it to a whole new level.

“Thank you so much for singing along. The next one is the first song that I worked on in the studio so it’ll always be quite special to me. I wrote it about um a certain experience when I didn’t find talking really useful. I decided to tell the story to my guitar, which was easier at the time, and um I ended up with a song that summarizes quite well a piece of me that I’ve never shared with anyone. Here it goes”

_Sweet creature_

_Had another talk about where it’s going wrong_

_We’re still young_

_We don’t know where were going_

_But we know where we belong_

This time singing without his guitar, he manages to make it just as emotional – even more thanks to those note changes, some would say – as the previous song. When the song finishes, the whole place is almost silent, which makes for quite the contrast with the next song.

“Not a smooth transition, I know, but are you ready to move around a bit more? Actually, I’m gonna need you to dance to this one, I need you to be as loud as you can. I wrote this song on a day when I was feeling particularly energetic. It started out almost like a joke, and now it’s one of my favourites to perform. So, make sure you dance it out, okay?”

_She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes_

_Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect_

_And all the boys, they were saying they were into it_

_Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck_

_She’s driving me crazy, but I’m into it, but I’m into it_

_I’m kinda into it_

_It’s getting crazy, I think I’m losing it, I think I’m losing it_

_I think she said “I’m having your baby, it’s none of your business”_

To Harry’s pleasure, the crowd dances wildly and seems to respond very well to the song. This is only his second time performing it live, so he can use the positive feedback. It’s a particularly fun song, because the name kinda threw people off a bit – especially since “kiwi” isn’t even mentioned – and the lyrics could sound silly. Obviously, Harry can understand them, and it is hilarious to see people try to make sense of it. He is planning on releasing his second music video to this song, instead of his second single. The thought of the internet going crazy over it makes him chuckle.

“I’m afraid we’ve reached the final song. This one was probably the easiest yet hardest song to write. Easiest because it almost felt like it wrote itself, but hardest because it was inspired by um deep emotions that um somebody had made me feel. I hope you can find your own meaning within these lines” He picks up his guitar for this one and the song starts.

_Tell me something, tell me something_

_You don’t know nothing, just pretend you do_

_I need something, tell me something new_

_Choose your words, ‘cause there’s no antidote_

_For this curse, oh, what’s it waiting for?_

_Must this hurt you just before you go?_

Harry is instantly taken back to New York, to his moments with Louis, to his heart breaking again, wrapped in Louis’ arms and sweat.

_Oh, tell me something I don’t already know_

_Oh, tell me something I don’t already know_

He had let himself completely give in to these feelings that night while in Jamaica, and the words just flowed. He felt so frustrated, so powerless, because he had a thousand ideas to make it work, to make it better. Yet he knew he couldn’t do anything about it. He cried the feelings into his guitar and his leather notebook, hoping to lock the anger and the sadness between the lines, not having to carry them on his chest at all times.

_Brooklyn saw me, empty at the news_

_There’s no water inside this swimming pool_

He can remember checking his phone over and over again, hoping for a call, a text. Something to hold on to. Something to prove that Louis was thinking of him. But it never came.

_Almost over, had enough from you_

He kept trying to tell himself he’d had enough. This was the end. For sure, this time. But it was a lie. Harry knew it. It was a big fat lie, even if he didn’t want to admit it. Maybe that’s the reason why he has chosen to perform this particular song tonight, and not Carolina or Two Ghosts like his team had suggested. Maybe he needed to finally shout his love for the blue-eyed boy to the world, even if no one would notice.

_And I’ve been praying, I never did before_

_Understand I’m talking to the walls_

It was true, he had felt himself go mad some days, having conversations in his head. He desperately needed to talk about it, as the bottled-up feelings threatened to explode. But none of it had changed a thing.

_I’ve been praying ever since New York_

It’s when he sings that last line that he has to fight to keep his voice steady. He uses all of his strength and more not to let a single tear leave his eyes. How he manages to finish the song without sobbing, Harry doesn’t know.

_Oh, tell me something I don’t already know_

_Oh, tell me something I don’t already know_

_Oh, tell me something I don’t already know_

_Oh, tell me something I don’t already know_

_Tell me something, tell me something_

_You don’t know nothing, just pretend you do_

_Tell me something, just before you go_

_Oh, tell me something I don’t already know_

_Oh, tell me something I don’t already know_

_Oh, tell me something I don’t already know_

_Oh, tell me something I don’t already know_

 

 

 

 

 

<http://ohstylesno.tumblr.com/post/160795705218/two-ghosts>

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry for the shortness of this, so thank you for reading! Stay tuned for the next chapter on saturday.  
> I hope you enjoyed Harry talking about his album, as many of the explanations he gives here were taken from his documentary and/or interviews. I was looking to give the story a sense of authenticity.  
> I'd love to hear your feedback, so any constructive criticism is welcome. Leave your thoughts in the comments, xx  
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au


	7. Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A phone conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Here's the seventh chapter. I think you're gonna like this one. There are sobs, yelling, phone conversations... and Harry pampering himself.  
> This piece is quite special to me and I hope you can see the connection between it and the song title. I remind you again that every chapter is named after a 1D song that I recommend to listen before or after reading, because it symbolizes the main plot line.  
> Thank you so much for reading, xx

**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment. None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.**

 

 

> Hands are silent, voice's numb  
>  Try to scream out, my lungs  
>  It makes this harder  
> And the tears stream down my face.

 

It has barely taken Harry 10 minutes to get in the car after his performance, yet it feels like it’s been forever. Thanking the host and the crew backstage, talking to his band, helping to gather up the instruments… it had taken all of his willpower not to run away in each of these tasks. As he put away his guitar, Claire approached him.

“You sure you’re okay, Harry? You can go if you need to” she sounded worried.

“I’m alright” Harry knew Claire would notice, but he is too damn polite to walk away without lending a helping hand.

“Seriously, Harry. We’ve got this. You look like you need some alone time. We’ll see you tomorrow” she lightly pat him on the shoulder and pointed at the exit door with her eyes.

“Thank you” is all he had said before leaving, fists clenched and his entire body contracted.

As he sits in the backseat of the car, his entire body relaxes for a second and he starts sobbing. Damn it. The whole reason he had written that song was to trap the feelings between the lines, so that he wouldn’t feel them so deeply inside of him. What a stupid idea. Of course, they were still present in his mind. He’s honestly surprised that it has taken him so long explode.

Fortunately, there are no paps on sight when the driver stops in front of his house, so he climbs the stairs with tears streaming down his face. He walks to the kitchen and drinks a glass of water – almost chugs it – in the blink of an eye. Inside his bedroom, he strips off his clothes and carefully folds them. They are sweaty and gross. He needs to wash them, there’s no point in folding them nicely, but for some reason it works to calm his mind a bit.

He makes his way to the bathroom and picks an album to play while he waits for the water to warm up. He decides to go for Shania Twain. An odd choice – some would say – but Harry couldn’t imagine listening to anything else at the moment. He fills the tub with boiling water and slowly gets his body inside. It’s so hot that his skin tingles in response to the contact. So hot that it feels like it’s freezing. He uses some soap for a layer of foam, hoping to cover his now red pale skin.

What is he going to do? The thought of performing Ever since New York live again sends a shiver through his spine, splashing a bit of water outside. He feels incredibly overwhelmed. Helpless. Frustrated that he can’t fix this. He decides to focus on this bath for the moment, to be kind to himself for a bit. When he opens the door, he’ll have to do something. He’ll deal with it.

For the moment, he moves the foam closest to his face to the sides and slides down until his hair is underwater. He sits up again and washes his curls with a shampoo that smells like cinnamon. After rinsing it off, he applies the hair mask that Gemma had gifted him for his last birthday. By now the entire bathroom is covered in vapour and a mixture of sweet fragrances. He puts on a green goey facemask and exfoliates his body with a purple scrub that he bought in a cute little shop in Japan.

Harry feels tired, but he needs a reminder of this time that he has taken for himself when he leaves the bathroom, so he reaches out for a drawer to his right and pulls out a set of nail polish. He dries his hands with a towel and picks up a purple polish, so dark that it looks black unless held directly under a source of light. He chooses this one because it’s dark enough to represent his current state of mind, but also has a touch of colour to represent that he’s not completely lost. He carefully coats each nail and only messes up his right pinkie. He is getting much better at it. Trying not to smudge any nails, he cautiously puts the container back in place. Resting his head back, he lays there with his hands hanging out of the tub until the water is cold.

+++

When Harry opens his eyes, he realises he’s been lost in his mind for a long time. The music has stopped playing. He moves his right leg a little and feels the cold water against his skin. His nails are dry too. He rinses off the facemask, the hair mask and any other product he has used. He stands up and reaches for a towel to dry himself and a towel to wrap around his curls. Once dry, he puts on a cosy pink robe and takes a minute to look at himself in the mirror. Despite having cried, his green eyes are not too swollen. They will be in 5 minutes, though. He feels his face with his hands. The skin is now very soft and he smells of a mixture of sweet scents with a hint of lemon. As he hears the water leave down the drain, he stands in front of the door. He takes in a deep breath and puts his hand on the doorknob. He’s going to deal with this mess now.

He walks to the living room and sits on the couch by the window. He named it _the thinking couch_ years ago, and everyone he’s told has laughed about it, but he meant it. It’s seriously the best spot in the entire house to do some serious, organized thinking.

The situation is: he misses Louis and is no longer capable of ignoring his feelings towards him. The problem is: he wants, more accurately said, _needs_ to talk about it. That’s the best way to make it better, isn’t it? The evident and logical solution to the problem is… Obviously, to call Louis. He picks up the phone and unlocks it, but now the decision doesn’t sound so logical.

What if Louis doesn’t want to talk? What if he’s busy and doesn’t see the call? Better yet, what if he does see Harry’s call but doesn’t pick up? Now, Louis wouldn’t do that. He would pick up the phone. They’re friends, aren’t they? They had made a promise. But does it still stand after their last conversation? There’s no way to tell than to try it. Harry decides to go for it and call Louis. If it sounded like a good idea some minutes ago, well, there must have been a reason, right?

Harry’s heart is racing as he waits for Louis to pick up. He can hear his blood pumping in his ears. Bip. Bip. Oh crap, he won’t pick up. Bi-

“Harry?” There it is. Louis did pick up. What is he going to do now? What was he going to say? His mind has gone blank. Damn it. This was definitely a bad idea. Harry realizes he’s stopped breathing and gasps.

“You okay there, mate?” Louis starts to sound worried. The gasp did sound kinda weird, Harry admits.

“Um yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Well, no. Not really” great, Harry’s words make no sense. He really needs to get his shit together if they’re going to have this conversation.

“Care to elaborate that a little? I don’t think I understand you” Louis’ voice sounds so soft, so patient.

“I- um I miss you Louis. Like, a lot. I miss you a lot” Harry doesn’t know where to start. He figures it’s best to state the obvious, reference what he’s feeling at the moment.

“Well, it has been a long time since we last saw each other. Anything else?” he sounds confused.

“No. No, you don’t understand, Lou. Um I know we had the talk last time, and we um reached the very same conclusions, as we did in the past. And I um promised myself I would try, Lou. And I um I tried really hard. I did. But um I don’t know, I just- _I need you, Lou”_ Harry is on the verge of starting to cry.

“Okay. Slow down. Harry, this is not news. We’ve talked about it a million times. We can be friends, you want that, right?”

“No. I mean, yeah. Yeah, of course. I need you in my life. But-”

“What is it Harry?” he can feel Louis starting to get impatient.

“I can’t do this Louis. It’s killing me inside. I bottled it all up. I tried to walk away from my feelings. But we never even spoke, Louis”

“I know, I would have loved to stay in touch with you, Haz. I’ve thought about it”

“It’s not just that, Lou. You just- you don’t get it. This isn’t like last time. I cannot hide this, even though I try. I swear I've tried. We had been doing so well, Lou. Over a year of being friends. Sure, being careful not to be seen in public sucked, but we were friends. Really good friends, like we’ve always been. And it never felt like enough, but I was okay with it. I had to be, I needed you in my life. I still do. But this time, I can’t settle for this, Lou. I can’t- ever since I saw you last time, I’ve had this feeling inside my chest. It’s more than just missing a friend. I know it. I’m gonna sound crazy, but I’ve been praying, Louis. I’ve been praying ever since New York”

“YOU WROTE A SONG ABOUT ME?” Harry has to pull the phone away from his ear, Louis’ yell hurting his ear.

“What?”

“You wrote a fucking song about me Harry, didn’t you? Ever since New York? You thought I wouldn’t listen to your bloody album?” His words sound angry, but his voice isn’t. Harry knows Louis is not mad, and that’s a relief.

“Why does it upset you, Lou?”

“It doesn’t. The song is damn beautiful Harry. Of course, it is” Harry can hear something like a facepalm “You’re so fucking talented. But Harry. Why? Why did you do it?”

“I’ve told you already. I can’t-” Harry doesn’t know how to continue.

“Are you calling me today because you had to perform it live?”

“You were watching me?”

“Obviously, you twat! I missed your voice. Plus, I would never miss out on an opportunity to see you perform. That was magical Harry” he knows it’s honest. Louis is always straight up sincere, and Harry is very grateful for that.

“You should know that I didn’t _have_ to perform it. I wanted to. My team suggested another song but I chose to sing this one”

“Fuck, Harry. I can’t do this on the phone. I need to see you”

“Enlighten me. How do you plan on doing that without raising hell?” Harry chuckles between sobs.

“I don’t know yet. I’ll text you. You’re in London this entire week, right?”

“Yeah”

“I’ll text you. Now, go to sleep. You can use some rest”

“Okay” Harry is exhausted.

“And, Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I miss you too”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> As I was posting this chapter I realised that we're more than halfway through. How crazy is that?  
> This whole story started as a day dream in my head, so I'd like to thank all of you who are reading it. Also, a shout out to my friends, who encouraged me to keep writing. It makes me really happy to know that some of you are actually engaging with this little project of mine and I'm trying my best to make this experience the best it can be for all of us.  
> Thank you again so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it.  
> Please leave any suggestions on the comments, any sort of constructive criticism is welcome.  
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au


	8. Love you goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honesty in a little coffee shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!  
> To compesate the length of the last piece, I bring an emotional one today, and a pretty long one on saturday.  
> No special warnings, other than the advice to get some tissues.  
> As you can probably guess by the title (which I remind you is a One Direction song that inspired the episode, and that I recommend to listen to before or after reading) Louis and Harry have to part ways. But don't worry, they'll see each other soon enough.  
> I really hope you enjoy this! Thank you so much for being here!

**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment. None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.**

>  
> 
> _ One more taste of your lips just to bring me back   
>  To the places we've been and the nights we've had   
>  Because if this is it then at least we could end it right _

 

_Louis’ POV_

Louis is on his way to see Harry and fuck. Why did he agree to this? So many things could go wrong, not to mention that seeing those emerald eyes again is for sure going to perpetuate certain emotions for weeks. Certain emotions that he had promised to keep hidden. Damn it.

He has decided to hit the road himself because even if he trusts his driver, the less people know about this the lesser risk he puts himself in. Going out without a bodyguard, maybe that wasn’t such a good call, but there’s nothing he can do about it now, so he parks the car and checks his watch. 10.53 am. Harry is probably early, but Louis has never been good at following schedules with such detail, so it'd look calculated and suspicious if he were to show up before they had agreed. He decides to wait and arrive right on time. With quick fingers, he unlocks the phone and re-reads the text message he had sent Harry the light before.

_Are you free tomorrow morning?_

_Yes. H_

_Meet me at Jenny’s, 11 am_

Louis had been wise enough to pick a place where nobody would see them. He had considered the usual posh celebrity hangout spots, where famous people who didn’t want to be papped liked to go. They were a safe option to stay out of media, but they wouldn’t shelter them from management. Instead, he chose a little bar on the outside of London. Not any bar, but the one where Harry and Louis would have a coffee many mornings during their first year in One Direction, back when they lived together.

It was nothing fancy, just an old place owned by a sweet woman called Jenny. Of course, Harry had chatted with her the first times they went there and they could now consider the lady a friend. What was nicest about Jenny was that she never seemed to pay attention to their professional lives. In her eyes they were just two teenagers who liked to have some time alone. Louis isn’t even sure if she was aware of their fame status at the moment.

In any case, the bar was usually empty at this time of the morning, the early birds having left already. Most people – and that was never more than 5 at a time – would arrive around 12.30, so he would have over an hour to talk to Harry in peace.

But what was he thinking? They could still be seen. He hasn’t been to the bar in almost 2 years, for all he knows it could be very busy. And the most pressing issue: is he going to be able to stay firm throughout the conversation without falling into Harry’s arms?

Yes. Yes, he is. He has to. He gets out of the car at 10.58 sharp, knowing that it’ll take him a minute to get to the bar, and another minute to go inside and find Harry. As he opens the door, he sees Harry sitting at their usual table, two coffees in front of him. He’s sitting with one of his legs on top of the other, revealing grey patterned socks underneath black skinny jeans. He has his signature brown boots on. Louis can only imagine how stunning he must have looked when he walked into the bar, the heels making a dry sound with every step. His arms are crossed over a green and blue sweater, and a long coat hangs from the chair just behind him. His curls almost hide a pair of sunglasses that Harry probably wore as an extra caution measure. Despite the frown on his face, he looks gorgeous.

+++

_Harry’s POV_

Harry is sitting in an overly familiar chair, totally impatient. He knows he has arrived early – like he always does – and Louis is not supposed to get here for another 5 minutes, but he can’t settle the nerves in his chest. This time he has thoroughly thought about what he is going to say. Maybe he won’t make a fool of himself, words all tangled up in his tongue. Regardless, he is anxious that he won’t be able to express his thoughts like he intends to. He can’t have Louis misunderstand it.

Just as he’s thinking about this, he hears the little bells above the door ring and he spots a pair of familiar eyes looking for him through the glass. The first thing that Harry notices is a white baseball hat on his head, probably for avoiding unwanted attention, that makes a funny view. Other than that, Louis looks spectacular. He’s wearing distressed jeans, red sneakers and a dark purple jumper. A casual outfit that suits his personality very well.

Harry points at the two cups of steamy coffee in front of him, letting Louis know he has already ordered for both of them. He gets the message with just one glance, as he changes his trajectory from the counter to their usual table. With a shy smile on his face, Louis sits down across from Harry and quietly thanks him for the beverage, immediately feeling the sweet scent relax his senses. His cheeks are red because of the cold outside, so Harry gently pushes the cup towards Louis and gestures him to take a sip.

They remain like that, in comfortable silence, for two or three sips each, until Louis decides to break the ice.

“Coffee is just as good as I remember it. Feels good to be back here, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. I um I kinda missed this place. The memories attached to it, better said”

Harry can perfectly remember their first time here. They had finished moving to their flat and decided to go for a walk along the neighbourhood, try to get to know their way around it. They had walked for an hour, not even paying attention their surroundings, simply enjoying each other’s company. Secretly celebrating the excitement about living together. He loved his family, but leaving the little town behind to follow his career was liberating, and getting to experience the whole change with Louis made him utterly happy. But those times were far gone now.

“I suppose you’ve already caught up with Jenny here, made all the ladies in the kitchen fall back in love with you?”

“She noticed me the second I walked in” Harry chuckles.

“I wonder what she’s heard of us by now”

“She probably knows more than she’d have us believe, but she was as nice as ever”

“Wouldn’t expect anything but that from her, would we?”

Louis throws a lazy smile at Harry, his lips now looking redder from the warmth of the bar. Harry can sense a feeling of unease coming from him.

“So why this place?”

“I don’t know, really. It just came to mind. Thought we’d feel comfortable here”

“Nailed it”

“Harry, I think we should go straight to the point and talk about the other night”

Wow. So Louis really wants do dive in head first. It's probably for the better.

“I should explain” Harry clears his throat.

“You probably should, yeah”

“You know how bad I want this um being friends thing to work, right?”

“I do, yeah”

“Well, I’m trying Lou. Trying my best to make it work”

A pause.

“I wouldn’t doubt that for a second, Haz”

“I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not very good at it. And you bringing me here isn’t precisely helpful, Lou. I look at you and see us in the past, naively happy with each other. I look at you and I feel the same butterflies as when I fell in love with you for the first time. I look at you and think, how can I try to forget something so beautiful that made me feel so alive?

It has taken Harry ages to say that. He wants to keep talking, but he pauses to look at Louis.

“You don’t have to forget it. I have never tried to, actually”

“And doesn’t it haunt you? Doesn’t it make you feel like you’re missing out, wasting your time trying to hide it?”

“It does, Haz. I will forever regret not spending more time with you, cherishing our love”

“Then why don’t we do anything about it?”

“You know very well why”

“Is it that big of an obstacle, though? We’ve done this before, Lou. Sure, we started rumours, but we were never caught”

“How many times did we have a scare because fans were seconds away from finding irrefutable proof? How many times did we have to sit in that bloody office, listening to people say we needed to keep our distance? I’m not gonna go through that again, we can’t risk it”

“So what if they find out? I’m willing to risk it for this, Louis”

“That’s easy for you to say!”

“What?”

“You’re the most lovable person in the world, Harry. You have such a strong fanbase that you don’t even need to be active on social media to maintain it. People have always been interested in you, even when you didn’t want the fucking attention. Walk out with those beautiful curls once and the whole world is talking about you again. I’m only known in the fandom, Harry. And I’m okay with that, I love that directioners have my back. But we’re on a break here, and I’ve finally managed to create a name for myself, on my own. Some people like my music, and I actually get to sing and perform, getting full credit for it”

Louis takes a breath. Harry’s been fidgeting with his sleeve for several minutes now.

“It doesn’t matter much if people find out about you. You’ve already said that you don’t feel the need to label your sexuality. Sure, you’ll make the front page for a couple days, but nothing will change drastically. If I come out, all I’m getting is a million tweets saying _I told you so_ , and a bunch of people pissed at me for not being honest with them. Everyone will expect an explanation. I don’t like to think about the effect that it would have on my career. I have an entire family to look after, Harry. A family that fully depends on me”

“I know you’ve struggled with your sexuality for your entire life, Louis. Do I need to remind you that I was there, beside you, the entire time? This is a big deal, there’s no denying it. I’ll never push you to do anything you’re not comfortable with”

“There’s nothing I want more in the world than to be unapologetically in love with you, Haz. It simply can’t happen now”

“There’s nothing simple about that” Harry can feel his eyes burning.

“It’s a mess, I’ll give you that. I just can’t do it, Harry”

“Does this mean we don’t talk anymore?”

“Is that what you want?” Louis seems surprised.

“Of course not, you idiot”

“Sorry, let me rephrase that. Do you think it’d make it easier for you?”

“Yes. But no. I don’t- I’m not sure”

“Look on the bright side, we don’t have to worry about boundaries in public, it’s not like our managements would let us interact”

“Bright as the sun, that. And when we hang out with the lads?”

“We don’t need a list of rules. We can figure it out as we go”

“I don’t want this, Lou” Harry tries so hard to keep it in, but the tears stream down his face despite his best efforts. He didn’t know how the conversation would end, but this was not what he expected. Maybe it was, but he had refused to let himself think so negatively.

“I’m sorry, Harry. How about this? When we see each other again, we can talk about how we feel. We can discuss what we’re comfortable with or not”

“That sounds good”

“But Harry, no more feelings outside the ‘being friends thing’, okay?”

“Not okay, but it’ll have to be”

Louis gets up to leave. A frown on his face tells that having to be the one to break things hurts him extremely. He has done a great job at keeping calm for the both of them.

Harry smoothly grabs his arm to stop him for a second.

“Lou”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you one last thing just before you go?”

“Of course”

“Can I have a kiss?”

Louis’ face softness at Harry’s words. He gently takes Harry’s hand in his, leans forward and places a short peck on his lips. For the brief second that their lips are together, Harry feels like he might be okay. His poorly healed heart has broken into pieces again, and he definitely won’t have the strength to mend it soon, but he will eventually.

As he watches Louis walk away, he holds to fingers to his bottom lip, trying to make the feeling of safety last as long as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> I can't believe we've already made it to chapter 8. I'd really like to hear the feedback from you, because we're getting closer and closer to the end. I'd love to know how you feel about the direction that the fic is going in, even if there have already been several ups and downs.  
> As usual, any constructive criticism is welcome, so please leave your thoughts in the comments.  
> I truly hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing, and thank you again to everyone who has stuck with the story and showed their love for this. It means a lot.  
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au


	9. Once in a lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A special One Direction reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> Here I come with the 9th chapter of Ever Since New York.  
> As you read in the summary, the conversations get a bit complicated with more people, so to make it easier for everyone here's the code to understand who is speaking:  
> \--------Liam's words are underlined  
> \--------Niall's words are in italic  
> \--------Louis' words are in bold  
> Once again, I recommend listening to the song in the title before or after reading because it matches this chapter's vibe.  
> Thank you so much for reading!

### Chapter Text

**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment. None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.**

 

> _ Somehow, it feels like nothing has changed  
>  Right now, my heart is beating the same _

 

The lights go down and Harry walks out of stage. He has just finished his last concert of the south American leg of his tour. He is tired and could very well use a rest, but this moment of leaving is always bittersweet for him.

Seeing the happy faces in the crowd and knowing that he’s partly the reason why people are smiling is the best feeling in the world. It’s proof that he has done a great job in the studio, creating music that somehow connects with such a wide variety of fans. Every night, Harry leaves amazed with the different people who come to see him: from teenagers and parents who accompany them, to adults who are there on their own initiative.

But he also feels closer and closer to the end, and he doesn’t want this to stop. Performing is by far his favourite part of the job, and now only the north American leg is left. It’s still hard to wrap his head around the fact that it’s been almost a year since he made the decision to put out his album. Fortunately, he has been successful so far, and he already has plenty of ideas for new projects. Despite his emotional whirlwind, he has been able to fully focus on his music.

In deep thought on the way back to the hotel, his phone vibrates in his pocket. He looks at the screen and identifies the caller as a member of his management. This probably means that there’s a change of plans. Reluctantly, he picks up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Harry, it’s Joseph. You’re on your way to the hotel, right?”

“Yes, I am. Everything alright?”

“I’ll be brief. We have just received a call from the Platinum awards, asking if you could perform Sign of the times in the gala”

“I thought I had a week off before going back to touring…”

“We did too, but Louis and Liam are within the nominees, so they will attend the ceremony. We could use that to promote your album”

“I can’t really say no, can I?”

“You’re flying to New York tomorrow morning. Mia will be waiting for you at the hotel to give you the details. Try to rest your voice, I’ll see you tomorrow in the airport”

“Okay, bye”

For a 2-minute call, that was pretty intense, Harry thinks. He was really looking forward to a little break, but he could never say no to a performance. Plus, Louis and Liam will be there, and he hasn’t seen them in months. It’ll be alright, he still gets 5 days to rest after the award show. Suddenly, his phone vibrates again.

Harry sighs with relief when he sees it’s just a text from the One Direction group chat. No more surprises from management, please. He unlocks the phone expecting to find some silly meme from Niall.

_Great news, lads! I’ve pushed a couple dates from me tour and I will make it to the Platinum awards! – Niall_

Great news, indeed. The four of them in the same place, at the same time? Seems like a dream.

_It’d be rude of a nominee for best album of the year not to show up, wouldn’t it? – Liam_

_Turns out I’m performing there as well. Looks like a 1D reunion. H_

_It’s settled then. We’re partying afterwards! – Niall_

Louis hasn’t read the texts yet. God knows what he’s doing, which time zone he’s in, even. But, he’ll be up for a hang out, no doubt.

+++

Harry walks into the _Chandelier_ alongside Liam after a long gala at the Platinum awards. As expected, it’s full of other celebrities, many of which are celebrating their success this evening.

Harry has never been a fan of these celebrity hang out spots. Despite the lack of paps, being surrounded by people in the industry has always led him to uncomfortable conversations, just for the sake of being nice and polite. Everyone’s trying to make new connections and create a reputation for themselves, so it’s not easy to just relax and enjoy the party. Nevertheless, he’s here to reunite with his best friends, so he’ll take it.

As they walk towards the counter, he can’t help but notice an intense smell of expensive cologne and fancy alcoholic beverages. His blue floral suit seemed fit for the occasion, but it’s definitely too warm to wear in an indoor party. Trying to counteract the heat, he orders the first drink he can think of with _lots_ of ice.

“So, congrats on the best collab mate!” he shouts over the loud music.

“Thanks man, it means a lot” Liam smiles so wide that he’s eyes almost disappear.

“Seriously, though. You and Rita did a marvelous job on that song, and you sounded fascinating and just on point live”

“You’re one to talk. That performance was awesome, Harry! I now declare myself your number one fan”

“We should sing together some time. I wonder what it’d sound like” Harry chuckles.

“That’d be dope. I think we can ask those two guys over there if they’d want to join us for a song” Liam points at two familiar faces making their way through the crowd.

Harry waves his long arm high above the crowd for half a minute, until his green eyes meet blue for a split second. Someone moves in front of him, hiding Louis’s face from his line of vision, but he can see him elbowing Niall.

He had tried not to give the whole situation much though, because trying to make it natural was going to make it a lot less awkward. That’s what they had decided on, figuring it out as they go. But now, seeing Louis after so many months of him being a memory in Harry’s brain, nerves kick in.

His thoughts are interrupted by strong arms around his torso and blonde died hair tickling his nose.

“ _I’ve missed you so much_ ” is all Niall says, reluctant to let go of Harry. Still wrapped in his embrace, he looks up to find Louis and Liam hugging as well, wide smiles in both their faces.

“Missed you too Nialler” Harry pecks Niall’s cheek as the Irish man breaks the hug and throws himself in Liam’s direction.

Louis approaches him with cautious steps, visibly trying to act cool. He’s so cute when he tries to hide his nerves, Harry thinks.

“Is it okay if I hug you?”

“ **It’s always okay to hug me, Haz** ” Louis presses their bodies together, his cheek resting against Harry’s neck.

“I just wanted to make sure, we did decide to talk take it one step at a time and um talk through what we’re comfortable with”

“ **Thank you for trying your best to make this work** ” their conversation is cut short by Liam asking Louis for his choice of drink.

“Hey Lou, what are you drinking? What does best single in male category taste like?”

“ **Sounds cheap, but I think I’ll go for a beer** ”

“ _Yeah man, congrats! Miss you was such a hit, should’ve called us for the video. Getting paid for downing pints? You smart bastard_ ” Niall laughs loudly.

“ **It ain’t on me that you went all sappy with your album, church boy** ” Louis teases.

“ _It won me album of the year so, I’m not complaining_ ”

“Look at you both so humble. But seriously, those were some smart lyrics you wrote, Louis” Liam adds.

“ _Isn’t it weird that our style is so different? I honestly don’t know how we make music together and it works. Look at our Haz here, going all Bowie on us_ ” Niall’s words are the first to draw attention to Harry. He hasn’t said a word so far, and they’re all looking at him now.

“How fast the night changes, right?” Is all that Harry can think of saying. They all chuckle. “Seriously though, do you remember that one night after um the last concert of the _Up all night_ tour? When we made predictions of our futures. I think about it at least once a month”

“ **Bloody hell, you owe me 10 pounds Liam! You were so convinced that I was gonna be the one to settle down first** ”

“To be fair, you were the oldest one, and we were just kids back then”

“ _No excuse, Payno. You’re the one with a kid now_ ”

“Don’t bring it up! Now Bear’s gonna be all that Harry wants to talk about for the rest of the evening”

“ **Yeah, what’s with the name, you weirdo**?”

“I for one think it’s really cute. It really suits his fluffy cheeks”

“ _Fluffy cheeks? Somebody give this man a child, please”_

Louis and Harry make eye contact again. They need no words, just a quick eyebrow raise, to know that they’re both thinking about the same moment. It probably had been meaningless to everyone else, but an interviewer had asked the band about wanting kids in the future. Louis and Harry answered that they did want children without batting an eye, surprising the woman, who hadn’t expected them to have such clear ideas, even as young as they were. Truth was, they had already talked about it.

“I’m not ready for a child now, Nialler. You know how important it is to be stress free during pregnancy. My schedule is crazy”

“ _For fucks sake, Harry. You know you can’t get pregnant!”_

“Ey, let a man dream. Plus, I’m gonna love my adopted kids just as much. Carrying them in my heart will create a bond just as strong, if not stronger”

**“That’s actually very true. You’ll make a great dad, Haz”**

“ _Awwww, aren’t you two the cutest?”_ Niall takes his hand to his mouth the second those words leave his mouth. No one can blame him really, Harry and Louis were together for a long time during One Direction. He makes puppy eyes at them.

**“It’s alright Nialler”**

“Yeah, everything’s clear on that front” But is it? This hangout is overall being a lot more comfortable than Harry had initially expected. The feelings are still there, though. Stinging every time he lets himself think about how it’d feel to hold Louis’ hand, to hug him from behind and whisper in his ear.

“You do have to let me visit Bear, though, Liam. Don’t think I’m gonna forget. And I expect regular updates. Oh, and tell me about his milestones”

“He’s doing really well. He's sleeping much better at night now, and he’s super healthy. He smiles a lot, and Sophia says his eyes wrinkle just like mine when he does” Liam sounds so proud, and so happy to be sharing this.

“Aw, does he look peaceful in his sleep? Has he started to babble? He obviously doesn’t talk just yet but-“

“Harry, I’ll let you know the second he starts talking, and the first time he walks on his own. Don’t worry, on my list of people to call you’ll be the safe second after my mum” They’re all laughing, but Harry is taking this conversation very seriously.

“Thank you Li, it means a lot”

“When you do visit, though, you can’t talk to him too much. He could learn from you, and we don’t want him to take forever to make a sentence, do we?”

“Ha ha, very funny. You’ll find I’ve got a way with kids, and Bear is gonna love uncle Harry. You’ll see” the image of Louis laying on the grass while they talked about their future together can’t escape his mind.

“ **It is kinda crazy to think about us, all grown up”** Louis looks up to the ceiling, and faces his mates again. **“Speaking of settling down, do you plan on keeping Barbara a secret like you kept your cat hidden for 20 years, Nialler?”**

_“To be fair, the cat did live with my grandma while I was on tour, so it was easy not to bring it up”_

“The fans were so mad when they found out, the twitter response was hilarious” Liam laughs loudly, grabbing his stomach as he slightly bends down.

“You’re a bit of a ninja, though. It’s been what, 3 years now?”

“ _Yeah, three years since we met”_

“Yet there’s not even a rumour about anything going on between you two. I honestly don’t know how you do it. It was so hard for some of us” Oops. Harry should’ve asked if Lou was okay with them talking about this so openly. So much for conversation.

**“I suppose that having management on your side helps”** the spark on Louis’ eyes is gone for a second.

“ _You always had us on your side, lads. I’m truly sorry you had to go through that”_

“We’re glad you’re more at peace right now. Everything okay between you two, right?” there’s something about Liam’s tone when speaking that hints a bit of doubt. Almost like he knows that it’s not all in the past. They had decided not to tell Niall and Liam about New York because it’d be too confusing, and giving explanations wouldn’t help with the whole _moving on_ thing. Harry starts to wonder if it’s fair to them, after they had their back for so long.

“ **Sure, yeah.** **It’s still hard to always be looking out for rumours, but it is what it is”** Louis seems oddly confident saying this, like he’s fully convinced. Harry isn’t sure about how that makes him feel. He’s having a blast with the boys. He had been waiting to see them for so long, because they’re in different sides of the world most of the time. However, there’s a bittersweet feeling that could as well come from the strange beverage he had chosen.

“Frustrating, is all”

_ Louis’ POV _

**“I’m gonna use the loo”**

Louis excuses himself and pretty much runs through the crowd, gasping for air. Everything has been going so well. This morning, getting ready for the awards, he had been very nervous about the hang out, afraid that his feelings would come to the surface when seeing Harry.

Contrary to his belief, Harry has made it so easy to be comfortable with him, to casually talk about their relationship in front of the lads. Except they don’t know the whole story. They think they have remained friends since they broke things off before the hiatus. But, do they?

Niall seems to be in his own world, still gasping when he accidentally says anything that takes them back to how things were before. Liam, though. There was something odd about Liam’s face when he changed the topic.

Obviously, he wasn’t there in New York to see anything, there’s no way he’s up to date. Maybe he has noticed something in the behaviour between Harry and Louis. Is there anything to tell? Are they not hiding it well? Truth be told, there’s nothing to hide anymore. Shit, this is so complicated.

That’s when Louis suddenly remembers the whole reason he is standing in line for the bathroom. “It was so hard for some of us”. Harry’s words play on repeat in his brain, as he feels an anxious feeling spread upwards. Starting on his legs, it works its way up his torso to get trapped in his throat. Harry has acknowledged their struggle from the past. So what? It’s not a secret to any of them.

For some reason, though, Louis has looked at Harry right in the eye the second he was saying it, to find emerald eyes intensely staring right back at him. And boom. It has hit Louis like a rock. The past tense on that sentence just feels so wrong. It was hard? Sure, it was. But it still is. Harder than ever Louis might say. This time around, it’s not just management repressing their feelings, but Louis doing that same thing to himself.

When he looks at Harry, all he wants to do is put his arms around his neck, rub his thumbs along the line from his shoulders to his head just like Harry likes it, and kiss him. Kiss the life out of him. Kiss him until nothing else matters. He wants Harry to put one of his hands on the small of his back and the other one on his cheek, just like he used to. And he wants Harry to kiss him back.

He wants the feeling of safety that he tasted on Harry’s mouth all those years ago, when they gave in to their passion for the first time. He wants Harry to hold him in his arms and cook him breakfast and kiss him good morning every day. But he also wants to pick up Harry from the gym, and take him to the movies, and surprise him at home with a mini concert of his favourite songs.

Louis wants it all with Harry. Not just like they used to have it, but even better. He wants the sleepless nights to be because of work, the bags under his eyes for staying up talking all night. He wants to take him to his favourite restaurant and hold his hand, he wants to say yes every time a fan asks him if they’re dating. He wants to the tell world that they’re in love. He wants to rip it all to shreds and start again, like an actual couple, loving and free.

Louis wants it all with him for one simple, yet complicated reason: **Harry is the love of his life**. And it has taken him way too long to realise.

Before he can even think about it, he has waited in line, gone into the bathroom, and is now on his way to the bar again. A couple pints later, Harry announces his departure.

“Well, its has been really great to se you all again, but to be honest I’ve been craving my bed for quite a while now”

“ _No hiding that yer an old grandpa Harold. You save your energy for stage, we get it”_

“I’m surprised I made it so far tonight. Good company I guess”

“I’spose I shouldn’t say proper goodbye to you, as you’ll come visit my son in no time”

“Yeah, expect a text from me shortly, I’m not gonna forget about that cute little baby of yours”

**“Let’s all hang out soon, okay? Have some rest, Harry. The rest of us will party for you”** Louis chuckles, but he doesn’t know how much of it is sincere.

“Have a nice end of the evening. We will see each other soon, consider me on charge or organizing the next one. I love you all”

The rest of the night is shallow fun for Louis, but he tries to let go. He is at a party with two of his best friends that he has missed a lot, so what’s there to stop him from having the time of his life? A curly haired boy is the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the first time I wrote a conversation with so many people involved in the fic, so please tell me what you think about it in the comments.  
> I'd appreaciate the feedback, as any constructive criticism is welcome.  
> What do you think will happen between Harry and Louis, now that their feelings clearly can't be ignored?  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you again for reading!
> 
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au


	10. Spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Louis to take action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Before I even realised it's wednesday again, which means it's time for Chapter 10. I'm afraid there's only one chapter and an epilogue left, so things are about to get really intense really fast.  
> I explained this last time, but just in case here's the code to understand who's speaking at each time:  
> \--------Liam's words are underlined  
> \--------Niall's words are in italic  
> \--------Louis' words are in bold  
> Once again, I recommend listening to the song in the title before or after reading because it matches this chapter's vibe.  
> Thank you so much for reading!

**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment. None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.**

 

> _Spaces between us_
> 
> _Hold all our secrets_
> 
> _Leaving us speechless_
> 
> _And I don’t know why_

 

_ Harry’s POV _

Harry wakes up to sunlight warming his skin through the thin sheets. He is on a 5-day break until his tour starts again so he didn’t set an alarm last night, but he has never liked to sleep with shut curtains, meaning that it’s probably too early for him to be up. Who is awake at sunrise during vacation, anyway?

He turns his pillow around to feel the fresh side of it. It’s still chilly outside but Harry is something like a human heat machine, which is why he likes to sleep naked, yet every morning it feels like he’s got too many clothes on. He breathes in deeply and lets his brain process the smell of hotel soap, to finally realise that he’s not at home.

He reaches out to the bedside table looking for his phone, when he remembers that it’s still in the pocket of his jacket from last night. Unable to check the clock, he observes the sun through the windows and decides that he’s gonna get up, as he probably won’t leave the room all morning if he falls back asleep.

Without leaving the bed, he tries a few yoga poses and stretches to get him going. The one where he bends over and reaches for his toes does wonders for his back. He finally lifts his bum off the mattress and walks to the little fridge looking for a water bottle, when his stomach growls. Right. Breakfast.

On the phone, someone from room service writes down his order: avocado toast, orange juice and a mango. It’s not until he’s sitting down in the wooden table next to the balcony that he unlocks his phone. Fortunately, there are no messages from anyone in his team. He does get a peaceful day off for once.

There is one particular text group, though, that had apparently been blowing up all night. It’s a good thing he turned it into silent mode before bed, Harry thinks. He opens “Niall and the potatoes *winky face emoji*” and reads through the texts.

_Grandpa, you’re missing out!_

After this text Niall had attached a video of Liam wearing a banana costume and some ridiculous sunglasses, making a bad job of imitating their choreography to Best Song Ever to an inaudible song in the middle of the dance floor.

Where ar you Ni? Why did yo shoor the video? I can’t see you.

**Right behind you**

And Louis sent a picture of a confused Liam, phone in hand, looking at where Louis and Niall were presumably standing.

The next picture – better said pictures – had come two hours later. It could more accurately be called a photoshoot of Louis’ drunk face. There wasn’t one picture where his eyes were fully open, but his cheeks were rose in every single one of them. Harry doesn't allow himself to stare at the images for too long, because Louis looks adorable.

Apparently, Louis had tried to get back at Niall as he had sent an image of him ordering a drink to the bartender. Harry thinks that he failed, because Niall looks really good in the picture, and Louis had sent a

**Denmiy Niller**

that Harry had only been able to translate to _dammit Nialler_ for having witnessed drunk Louis many times.

The last texts were three photos, all taken from Niall’s phone. They seemed a sequence of the boys going home: a selfie in front of what looked like a taxi, a photo of Louis’ bum getting out of the car and a tipsy Liam on the side walk next to a hotel.

Harry looks at the time of those last ones: 5.16 AM. The boys are probably all still in town, but there’s no way any of them are awake or even want to be awake. Hopefully they’ll come back to life in the evening and he’ll get to properly say goodbye. In the meantime, he decides to go for a run.

When the neon yellow trainers hit the gravel, the sun shines stronger, but it’s not too hot for a workout outside. As his legs grow more and more tired, sweat builds up throughout his entire body and he starts to feel a familiar detoxifying effect. Jogging has always had a therapeutic effect for Harry. With every exhale, he pictures all the negativity, stress and bottled up feelings leaving his body in the form of black air getting out of his lungs. In return, the warming rays of the sun gentle on his skin, he pictures positivity and strength entering his system with each inhale. His entire body has been in constant tension for so long, that burning energy seems like the most efficient way to tire himself out. Maybe this way he’ll actually get a break from so much thinking and double guessing, too exhausted to focus on anything else but to rest.

The exercise coupled with a cold shower seems to be doing the trick. Taking advantage of the luxurious bathroom in the hotel, Harry sets the lateral jets to massage his back in changing patterns. The cloud in his brain is slowly starting to dissolve. There’s no point in lying to himself, his problems and emotional confrontations have not disappeared, but for once in quite a long time he feels a bit more of control. He still hasn’t decided how he feels about the interaction with Louis from the night before, clearly still not over him. It wasn’t bad, but as usual, it didn’t feel like enough. At the same time, though, he feels like he’s asking for too much. It had been so much better than anyone could have expected. He finds it impossible to understand this, so he’s gonna use this free time to connect with himself again, the frenzy of tour not usually giving him space to do so.

In this mission to treat himself, he decides to have lunch somewhere in the city – he feels like being spontaneous, so he’ll probably walk around until one restaurant catches his eye – and then go back to the hotel to continue reading the novel he's hooked to in bed. Sounds like a plan.

+++

_ Louis’ POV _

Louis’ eyes open suddenly to a really loud noise. He sits in bed so quickly that dizziness clouds his vision for a second. Turning to the right, he’s met with an unfamiliar open window that’s letting a chilly breeze inside. Right. He’s in the hotel. Oh. He forgot to close the window last night. That probably explains the noise. The unconscious task to swallow appears to be difficult, his throat like it is being cut with a million razors. He lets his upper body flop onto the mattress again, regretting it immediately as a headache becomes more apparent with the little bounce. Too much partying last night.

He manages to keeps his eyes shut for 30 seconds before he realises that he’s too aware of his hungover to drift off, so he lifts the duvet over his stiff body in a painfully slow manner. The floor feels freezing under the pads of his feet as he rushes to close the window. There should be something for the pain in the little back pocket of the suitcase.

Why did he drink so much? He thinks as he uses up what feels like the last of his energy to gulp down a glass of water along with the pill. Oh shit. He probably should have had something to eat before taking the medicine. What time is it even?

He sadly discovers that his phone died at some point throughout the night, and his brain can’t properly function to observe that there’s a clock on the wall. Instead, he plugs in the charger and waits until the screen says 2%, just enough to turn it on and find out that it’s 2pm.

Not bad. He has actually slept for almost nine hours, what an accomplishment. There’s no point in having breakfast anymore, right? It’ll probably make more sense to have actual lunch food. The idea of facing people at the hotel restaurant doesn’t seem appealing, seeing that he can barely understand his own thoughts, let alone participate in an actual forced conversation.

And that’s when a light pops up in Louis’ head. Liam is staying in this very building. He quickly puts on some sweatpants and a white T-shirt and he’s already standing in front of what he thinks – truly hopes – is Liam’s door. He knocks loud enough for the whole hallway to hear, but the doorknob doesn’t move.

**“Liam. The hotel is on fire!”**

And like he’s got a sixth sense or something, a scared chubby face appears right in front of him.

“What? Why? When? A fire? We have to run?”

**“Sorry. That was a joke. But I really need food and zero social interaction right now, which is why I’m super glad you’re up. I left my phone charging, so I’m gonna go get it and you’ll be dressed by the time I get back”**

“But, Louis, what? What are you-“

And the door closes in Liam’s face. Why does he have such rude friends?

To Louis’ surprise, Liam is indeed ready to go – and looking much more rested and put together than Louis – when he knocks on that door for the second time.

“You took advantage of my hungover confusion”

**“Drop it, Payno. Maybe I just missed your pretty face”**

“And what if I don’t want to go because I feel like dying?”

**“Your fully dressed body says different. Plus, that’s what friends are for, am I right?”**

“Whatever. Where are we going?”

**“Dunno. But you’re driving”**

And just like that, Louis finds himself sitting in a car, with a full stomach, in the company of one of his best mates, about an hour later.

“So, now that you’re not ruled by the angry gruelling of your stomach, care to explain what’s going on in your brain?”

**“Um, my neurons are dying? I took some medicine but apparently my body is too stubborn to stop hurting, wants to make sure I understand what happens when I drink a bit too much”**

“Lad. You’ve got this I-can’t-deal-with-my-emotions-right-now kind of look on your face, and I’m pretty sure it goes beyond the alcohol level in your system”

And that’s when Louis remembers that conversation from last night, when Liam seemed to play dumb. Turns out, he really was onto something.

**“How annoying is it sometimes, when your friends are smart and have you figured out”**

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Now spill”

**“I’m just stressed is all. And I’ve missed you, like a lot. And hanging out together kinda made me nostalgic”**

“Yeah, sure. I’m not buying that Lou, you’re the worst liar ever. I’ve missed you too. Niall has as well. But we’re not uneasy, if anything just eager to see each other more”

**“See, you feel the same way!”**

Liam sighs _really_ loudly.

“What happened with Harry?”

**“What are you talking about?”**

“Lou. I can see how you’re fidgeting with the cuff of your sweater. How you’ve readjusted your fringe eleven times since I brought this up. Take a deep breath”

Louis makes a defying face at Liam, but gives in because he knows that Liam’s always right.

“Good. Now, I want you to really think about what’s in your head and decide whether you want to talk to me about it right now or not. I swear if you say you need space I’ll give it to you, but you can trust me. And please don’t turn down the help without considering it first”

**“Fuck you Liam. I hate you. You’re too good at pushing my buttons”**

A little sympathetic chuckle escapes Liam’s mouth, as he looks at his friend with encouraging eyes. For some reason that he can’t yet explain, Louis is ready to spill the details. Maybe it’s the fact that Liam knows him super well. Maybe he feels like Liam deserves to know, after so many years of standing by him. Maybe he just needs to talk about it, get it out of his chest.

**“Last night wasn’t the first time we saw each other”**

“I know that”

**“What!?!”**

“Um… we have all hanged out together a couple times before…”

**“Right. No. What I mean is that we actually saw each other alone”**

“I knew it. I bloody knew it. You’re so obvious. How long ago?”

**“It was- it happened twice actually”**

“You sneaky people! Okay, but what happened? I know your friendship is complicated, but something big must have happened to have you this torn”

**“Okay. Long story short: we surprisingly met at our usual hotel in New York, things happened, he reached out to me some months later because he wrote a stupid song, well a beautiful song, about me and then because of that we met up for the second time, and lastly decided that we couldn’t be together. So yeah, nothing new”**

“Oh, Louis. But it’s been a long time since that, and yet we’re talking about it as a fresh wound. Are you sure it was nothing new?”

**“Well I don’t even know Liam. I don’t fucking know what’s up. But we decided that we’d just talk each other through it when we hung out. And he seemed alright yesterday. He was handling it so fucking well. And yet I had to run to the bloody bathroom because it was too much. I melted at just the sight of him. And that’s not okay”**

“Have you made any decisions about this?”

**“I don’t fucking now. I just can’t shake him. And I’ve told myself a million times that we can’t be together. My family relies on my career. But I just can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever be able to move on. If I’ll ever be able to feel something like this for someone else. If I’ll just have to sit alone for the rest of my life or settle for something mediocre. And it scares the shit out of me”**

“It has taken you long enough to notice. I can’t ensure that everything will be okay, and I’m sorry for that, Lou. Too many people have messed with you and gotten in between your relationship. But since day one, we’ve all known how special the bond that you two share is, and it honestly makes me sad to see it wash away”

**“Imagine how miserable it makes me”**

“But Louis, at the end of the day, only you are in charge of your life. I know it’s hard to feel like you’re in control, but you’ve got us. You know Niall and I have your back, and so many other people who love you. I hate to see you this somber. Just promise me that you’ll do what you think is best. You’ve sacrificed yourself enough already”

There’s so much truth in Liam’s words that it almost scares Louis. There’s such sympathy and good intention in his eyes, that Louis has to wonder why he got so lucky to have the opportunity to have him as a friend. He reaches to the driver’s seat and hugs the younger man, careful not to touch the takeout box with any of his clothes. But the embrace only lasts for two seconds, until Louis pulls away and stares at his friend with a sudden seriousness.

**“Will you drive me back to the hotel, please? I’m about to do something risky and I just don’t want to double think it too much”**

“I’ve got your back, Lou. Through everything. No matter what happens between you and Harry, please know that we’re here for the both of you, and we’ll protect you from anyone who wants to intervene in your private life.”

**“I know, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that. Now drive!”**

“Sure thing, Mr sassy pants”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I promise you'll be happy to read what happens next.  
> As we get closer and closer to the end, there aren't many things to say. As usual, please leave your thoughts on the comments, I really appreaciate the feedback ;)  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you again for reading!
> 
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au


	11. Why don't we go there?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So long I've been waiting to let go of myself and feel alive"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> I'm sorry I couldn't post yesterday, I'm really busy as I've got a really important exam tomorrow. But here it is, the last chapter before the epilogue.  
> I don't want to get emotional before you read, so check out the notes at the end of the chapter.  
> The two usual reminders:  
> \- Louis' words are in bold, and Harry's are in simple writing.  
> \- I recommend listening to the song in the title before or after reading, as it directly relates to the main plot.  
> I won't keep you any longer, enjoy!

_**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment. None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.** _

 

> _Think about all the places we could go_
> 
> _If you give in tonight_
> 
> _Just let me set you free_
> 
> _We'll touch the other side, just give me the key_

 

_ Harry's POV _

Brrrrrrr. Harry lifts his head. It was probably nothing. Chapter four of _The solitude of prime numbers_ lays open on his lap, as he is sitting in bed with his back against the headboard. Two more words are read and brrrrrrr. A vibration again. Someone must be calling him. Considering that he is a millennial, Harry is really proud of his little usage of electronic devices, but it’s in moments like these that he wonders if he should carry his phone around. He quickly goes over the last things he has done, trying to remember where it may be until he sees its bright blue light coming from the open bathroom door. Careful to mark the page he leaves the book in, he untangles his body from the thin blanket and sprints towards the phone, afraid that Joseph will hang up. It has to be Joseph calling him, right? He still doesn’t have any information about his next flight.

His finger is so quick to accept the call that once the speaker reaches his ear, it takes him one second to recognize a voice that is clearly not Joseph’s.

“Louis?”

**“Hi, Harry. It’s me”**

“I didn’t think I’d hear from any of you until later. What’s up?”

**“Yeah, about that. I have no sign that Niall is alive and Liam just went for a nap, I was- do you maybe feel like hanging out?”**

“Um, yeah, sure. I was reading a bit but we can go out if you want. Or- or stay in? Are you tired? Well of course you are”

**“I’m feeling better now, but I was thinking about a quiet evening in”**

“How does um a movie sound? I can pick you up. Or maybe you’d rather I go wherever you’re staying?”

**“No, your hotel sounds better. It’s more private. Don’t worry, I can drive there myself”**

“Sure? I can be there in five minutes”

**“It’s okay, Harry. I’ll be there in a bit”**

“Okay, bye”

Well that took an unexpected turn. This shouldn’t surprise Harry as much as it does. For the millionth time, he reminds himself that they’re friends. That’s what friends do, they hang out. And he is happy to spend some time with Louis, he really is. So blissful that he refuses to feel ashamed for the blush now colouring his cheeks and the tingling at the bottom of his tummy. For some reason this feels like so much more.

+++

_ Louis’ POV _

Louis did that. He truly ran to his room, leaving a confused but proud-looking Liam in the car, and rang Harry. He didn’t let himself think about what he was doing when his fingers dialled that number, and he sure isn’t gonna let it happen now. There’s no place for double-thinking, no self-doubt. He is just following what feels right. That’s what he keeps telling himself as he brushes his teeth.

To avoid getting cold feet, he opts for not changing his clothes. They are going to watch a movie in bed, that inherently implies comfortable clothes. Wait, that sounds way too romantic. No, stop. No thinking about it. Just feeling. Just feel, Louis.

He tries to style his fringe as best as he can with bare hands, and in a minute he’s out the door. No time for looking back. Will he confront the situation and talk to Harry about his feelings? He’ll decide when he gets there. All he knows is that he craves Harry’s presence, the comfort and safety that emanates from the young boy.

+++

_ Harry’s POV _

Harry’s heart shouldn’t have skipped a beat at the loud knock on the door. He was going over the list of movies that the tellie offers, and apparently too deep in thought to be aware of time passing by. A fold on the carpet gets in his way as he walks towards the entrance of the suite, and he falls with a loud thump.

**“Harry? Are you okay?”**

Louis’ words can barely be heard travelling through the wood. Harry gets up from the floor, tries to straighten his T-shirt as best as he can, and turns the doorknob with a pained smile.

“M’fine”

“ **You didn’t just trip, did you?”** Louis is way too obviously trying to hold back his chuckles.

“Go ahead, you can laugh. It’s not like you haven’t witnessed my bambi legs before”

**“Yeah, it’s a shame I didn’t actually get to see you fall on your arse this time”**

“I can’t ensure it won’t happen again in what’s left of today. Um, come in”

Louis walks in and spins around, a wide grin on his face when he’s facing Harry again.

**“A few days of you staying here and it already looks like _your_ room”**

He points at the books on the nightstand, a familiar leather diary on top of all of them, and then makes a shocking face when he spots a wrinkled piece of paper. It’s the picture they took when they went to the studio to write a song by themselves, from scratch, for the first time. It was so magical, taking part in the creative side of the business, that from then onwards they had pushed and pushed management for more opportunities. With more of their songs in each album, they kept falling in love deeper and deeper with what they were doing.

**“You still carry that around? I thought you’d left it in Holmes Chapel”**

“Of course I do. You know how special that day was”

 **“Yeah, but that’s the copy you sneakily printed in Simon’s office! It’s all wrinkled and worn out now. Oh but you can still see Niall’s ridiculously bleached hair”** he giggles, and Harry is taken back to their most innocent days, when Louis would have a permanent smile across his face. As he throws his head back and holds his tummy, Harry can’t help but think about how beautiful his happiness is.

“It sort of stands for our rebellious side. We would have been eaten alive if we hadn’t fought for ourselves” Harry says nonchalantly as he gathers some blankets and sits in bed.

 **“Anyway, what sappy movie did you choose for us to watch?”** Louis sits on the edge of the bed, and Harry can see him hesitate for a second, before he lifts his body with his arms and gets closer to Harry’s body.

“I was in the middle of choosing when you came, but you’re the guest, you can pick one”

**“How about I tell you a random number and we look it up on the list”**

“But Lou, we have to watch a good movie” little do they know that it doesn’t truly matter, as they’re not gonna pay any attention to it.

**“Okay, so you pick”**

“But I don’t want you to be bored”

**“As long as we’re not watching titanic again, I won’t”**

“Heeey, I didn’t make you guys watch it that often”

Without giving it a thought, Harry places his hand just above Louis’ knee and pats it. Louis’ hand moves from its spot on the mattress but stops mid-air and falls back down. He bites his lip in frustration and rests his head against the hard wall. Harry sees how the cold of it makes the hairs in his arm spike, so he reaches forward for a particularly fluffy looking blue blanket and wraps it around them, placing another identical one across their laps. Now inside their little cocoon, he presses play over the first movie to show on screen. Unconsciously, as though protecting Louis is a primary instinct, he gradually presses their sides closer and closer, the heat emanating from him warming his best friend.

They’re five minutes into the film and already debating whether Kendra has a crush on Iris or not.

“But it’s so obvious! She just introduced herself and Kendra is already batting her eyelashes”

**“You said it, it’s too early on to tell”**

“Look! She caressed her arm for literally no reason”

**“If I didn’t know that every rom-com ends so predictably, I wouldn’t believe that something so deep sparked from one single conversation”**

“Heeey, sometimes a simple conversation is enough to see that you’ve clicked with someone”

**“Well obviously you’d think that, because you’re the sappiest, most romantic person I know. But it’s not realistic”**

“Oh come on, Lou. Are you seriously gonna tell me that you’ve never felt that little special something inside you when talking to someone for the first time?”

**“Special what? Leaving sexual attraction aside, there’s no such thing as love at first sight. They don’t know each other!”**

“But, Lou. Sometimes you meet someone and you don’t even need words to know there’s something uniquely interesting about them. Like, you look at their eyes, and the way they light up when they’re laughing, or how this little strand of hair sticks out, and then your insides go crazy. Something ignites a fire and that’s it, they’re all you think about. You can’t help but crave more”

Louis audibly gulps and turns his face to face the screen, almost like he’s scared of looking anywhere else. For the next hour they keep making little comments about how realistic the movie is, Louis always defending that life isn’t a fairy-tale like the media sells. They’re comfortable around each other, still inside their cocoon, but Harry can tell that something’s off.

Something is off because Louis has barely made eye contact with Harry in a while, and even if he did lean in to the contact of their bodies, he doesn’t move, almost like his muscles have stopped working. He chuckles along with Harry, but the wrinkles on the side of his eyes don’t stay for more than a second.

“What’s up Lou?”

**“What?”**

“Is everything alright?”

+++

_ Louis’ POV _

Louis has been in Harry’s hotel room for over an hour now, and oh boy does he feel conflicted. Harry is visibly comfortable with him, almost like every time the universe had joined forces to pull them apart hadn’t taken place at all. They didn’t even take a second to catch up with their lives, just sat to watch this incredibly romantic movie like they would back in the day. And it feels nice. It feels great, as a matter of fact. So why can’t Louis just enjoy it?

This is everything he ever wanted. Years and years of obstacles, and fights, and nosy people, yet the bond with his best friend hasn’t weakened one bit. It’s everything about hanging out with Harry that makes his heart flutter in his chest. It’s the long forgotten genuine smile peeking through with every awful dad joke, and the chuckle he pulls out of Harry every time he teases him. But it’s more than just the laughs. It’s the feeling of safety and intimacy, when all he has gotten used to is fake people trying to take advantage of him in the industry. When every aspect of his life seems to be controlled and over calculated, Harry comes along with this joyful spontaneity and Louis can be himself again.

But then Harry pats his leg, or slides his foot up and down his shins and everything changes. Even when he is talking about whatever trivial thing, Harry meets his eyes with endless interest and emotion like he was unravelling the biggest secret of the universe, making him feel supported, understood. He could be speaking about the weather and Harry would look fascinated, like he’d never heard of sun and rain. And this should be everything that Louis wants and needs from life: a best friend, a companion, a confidant. Yet it isn’t nearly enough. So when Harry, being incredibly observant – or maybe he doesn’t even need to make an effort, seeing as he knows Louis almost better than he knows himself – asks if everything is alright, Louis gives him his whole heart and opens up, lets everything be seen, despite fearing that it will be the end of this beautiful limbo they have created in the past hour.

**“I’m a hypocrite”**

“What do you mean? Louis you’re the most upfront and honest-”

**“I just- I’m gonna lay it all on you, but I need you to listen, Harry. I need you to promise that you’ll listen to every word before answering, because I’m not sure I’ll find the strength to pick up where I left off if I stop”**

He looks a bit startled, not sure of where this is leading, but he doesn’t hesitate before saying “I promise, Lou”

**“I’m such a hypocrite. It’s probably hard for your beautiful and dreamy mind to understand it, but I am. I am a bloody hypocrite. If there’s one thing I’m known for amongst friends is being honest, almost too sincere, as it can hurt people every now and then. But I haven’t. I haven’t been honest. I keep saying that my album is a hundred percent genuine, and all about staying grounded and true to who I am after so many years on the spotlight. But is it? I know it still isn’t finished, yet there are more songs about bottled up feelings in it than I can count.”**

He has to take one laboured breath to keep his voice steady.

**“I know what being a celebrity is like. I know that you can’t put yourself out there completely, and it’s not like management will let you anyway. Specially not when you’re so stubborn that it’s super easy to get into trouble. So yeah, this public persona that I pretend to be isn’t the true me, and you know it better than anyone. But it’s one thing to hide a little part of who I am and keep it as a sort of confirmation that I do have some control over my life. It’s hard, it’s bloody hard to be told again and again that who I truly am isn’t gonna cut it. That I have to change. It’s hard, and we got through it. We made it happen. But then there’s you… and it’s not hard, it’s unbearable”**

  **“I trick myself into thinking that it’s easy when I’m so busy that I barely have time to catch up with my own thoughts. When I collapse in a random hotel after interviews, or recording in the studio, or some stupid stunt that my team pushes me to do. If I don’t have the opportunity to think, I can push away those feelings and keep telling myself: not now Louis, you’ll deal with it later. And later never comes”**

**“Until suddenly I’m standing next to you, and it’s impossible to ignore this warmth that covers my entire body. It’s almost blinding, and I couldn’t possibly think about anything else. And I’ve just reached the conclusion that it’s unrealistic to even try. I fell in love with you so many years ago, and they say that time heals. But sometimes it doesn’t. This is one of those times. Within how complicated the situation is, one thing is incredibly simple: I can’t hide my feelings for you, Harry”**

**“But most importantly, I refuse to try. I’m done hurting myself over something that feels so pure and makes me feel so alive. I have no idea about what’s going on inside that pretty head of yours, but I need you to know that no matter what you decide, I’m never going to stop loving you. I won’t lie, doing anything about it scares the shit out of me. One little confession and everything I’ve built with my hard work could go to waste in a second. I was overlooked for so long, and I finally have a strong fanbase that supports my music, but I don’t want people to have my back if they aren’t willing to accept my true self. I’ve got a pretty strong support system, and I know I’ve got other ways to take care of my family. If my love for you ends this dream, then it will. Because I can’t for a second imagine how miserable I’ll be for the rest of my life if I keep lying to myself. I’m in love with you, Harry, and that’s never going to change”**

There’s a silence. Louis tries to catch his breath. Bloody hell, who knew that speaking would take such a toll physically. He is exhausted, but Harry’s face keeps him awake. He seems a bit overwhelmed and Louis can’t blame him, what with all these confessions that have been sitting in his chest for so long. He fish mouths, trying to say something, but words don’t leave his mouth. They keep still, eyes on each other, for what feels like an eternity to Louis – it probably wasn’t more than a minute but the world has just stopped for them – and then Harry comes back to live.

+++

_ Harry’s POV _

“I’m confused, Lou”

**“I know it’s a lot to process, I’m sorry for laying it all out at once. You can take as much time as you need, Haz”**

“But you didn’t- you said- you took me to that bloody coffee shop and told me that this was never going to happen. That we had to let go”

**“I was in denial. I refused to let myself feel”**

“But you seemed so serious. I believed it, Lou. I truly thought that it was the end. And I’ve spent months and months trying to wrap my head around that fact”

**“I’m sorry”**

“No. You don’t get to apologise like it’s nothing. I can’t- I’ve been trying to forget you, for god’s sake. I’ve put all my efforts on finally accepting that I was never going to have you. That I was going to be broken hearted for the rest of my life!”

Harry can’t believe that this is happening. It makes no sense. Back in that coffee shop Louis had looked him in the eye and told him it was time to move on. The poorly healed stiches in his heart had given in, and the pain of feeling Louis’ lips leave his own had crushed him. Louis seemed so sure of the decision, it had only occurred to Harry that it was a little one-sided this time. There was no way that Louis was feeling for him as strongly he felt for Louis, because there is no walking away from something like that. So Harry had taken his broken pieces and worked on putting them back together for months end. Some days he had stayed up all night trying to put the puzzle back together, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because some of those pieces were still with Louis, and he had cried himself to sleep with the realization that he was never going to get them back.

Now, the boy he’ll forever be in love with is telling him to undo that, and he’s angry. He doesn’t want to be, but he is furious. He’s furious because it feels unfair that he had to hit rock bottom and climb back up on his own, and Louis intends to reverse that with a simple conversation. That’s not how it works. With tremendous effort, he might even dare say that he had gotten good at pretending he wasn’t hurt. He had finally made amends with his broken heart and learnt to live without the love of his life. For what? For getting him back in a heartbeat?

**“I’m really sorry, Haz”**

“You don’t understand, Lou. I want this as much as you do. Hell, I want you here forever. But I’ve spent every single day since we last saw each other trying to get used to the idea that I was never going to have you. That I was going to have to hold on to the memories for the rest of my life, because you had walked away. I had to learn to feel whole on my own, even when some pieces of me now belong to you. And it makes me mad. It makes me so bloody angry, Louis”

A quiet sob escapes Louis. Despite his height, he always looks huge with his unbreakable confidence, but now he looks so little, so hurt.

“I love you, Louis. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love a person. And I want to forgive you. I _need_ to forgive you, because it’s not our fault”

**“I never wanted to hurt you”**

Harry moves for the first time in a while and wraps Louis up in a tight, warm hug. He presses their chests together until he can feel Louis’ agitated breath against his own and rubs a soothing hand up and down the space between his shoulder blades. Without letting go, he keeps talking, almost whispering now.

“I know, I never wanted to hurt you either. But we did. We hurt each other a lot. And it infuriates me to know that it wasn’t us who were responsible. It was fucking management and everyone who controlled our lives like we were just a commercial brand, and not bloody humans. But they didn’t break us apart, Lou. They almost did, but we made it through”

Louis slightly breaks apart from the hug, but stops face to face with Harry. **“I still don’t know how. But what does this mean, Haz. I hate to say it but once again, we’re in the same fucking situation”**

“We’re not, though. We’re never gonna stop loving each other, that’s settled. So fuck it. Fuck all of it, Louis. I just need to be happy for once, and I can’t be happy without you”

Harry places his forehead against Louis’ and runs his trembling fingers across Louis’ skin, drying the tears that stain his tired face.

“But Lou, we can’t let them get between us. We can’t fall into the same cycle of breaking apart and falling back into each other’s arms. It would break us beyond repair”

**“I know, Haz. I’m so fucking scared”**

And it’s this precise moment, when Louis’ eyes let one last tear drop down his cheeks and his voice breaks a little, that Harry decides he has had enough. He isn’t not angry anymore, not angry at Louis at least. He’s got a bundle of emotions that he can’t quite work out just yet, like they were all tossed inside a box and got mixed up. It is going to take him a long time to open the box and try to make sense of it, but it doesn’t matter anymore. It doesn’t matter because this time Louis can hold his hand while he does it. He is never going to face the world feeling lonely again, and that thought gives him the strength he needs to finally leave inhibitions behind and listen to his body. He places his left hand on Louis’ neck, his thumb carefully caressing Louis’ soaked cheeks, and holds on to the back of Louis’ head with the right one. He looks inside those deep blue eyes for a lingering moment, and then closes them peacefully, leaning down to join their lips.

The kiss is wet, passionate and tired. Desperate, warm and thrilling. Drowning, gentle and intimate. It’s every emotion he can think of, and all of them at the same time. It’s tender and sloppy, but most importantly familiar.

“I’m scared too, Lou. But we’ll make it work”

And just like that, with an exhausted lovely boy curled against his back, Harry sleeps safe and sound for the first time in a year. With the arms of the love of his life wrapped around his middle, Harry can finally say that he feels at _home_.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so that was an emotional rollercoaster.  
> First of all, you might have noticed that I included lyrics from "Home" in the summary. This chapter was the big one, the one where all the buildup finally ended, and using only one song didn't feel like doing it justice. Also, isn't home an anthem for larries?
> 
> Second of all, thank you so so so much for reading. I started this just because I had an interesting idea in my head and I wanted to try out writing. I wasn't even sure if I was going to post it, but decided to do so to keep it as a reminder for when I looked back. I never would have imagined that so many of you would read this and actually like it. A big thank you to everyone who left a comment and let me know what they thought about the story, both here and on Instagram. Thank you so much for all the kind words.
> 
> Regarding Ever Since New York, I'm going to post the epilogue on wednesday or thursday, and I think that will be the end of this work. There are other projects on the way, so I hope that I can get back to writing as soon as possible.
> 
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au


	12. End of the day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A change in Louis and Harry's future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> The epilogue is finally here. I'm sad to be saying goodbye, but I do feel like this ending caught the essence of "Ever Since New York" quite well, so here it goes.  
> The story began with Harry in Holmes Chapel, and in order to make this a full circle, this entire piece is written from Harry's perspective.  
> As usual, I recommend listening to the song that gives this chapter a title before or after reading, and I'm excited to tell you that there's a little lyric-related surprise at the end.  
> Thank you for reading, enjoy!

**This is a work of complete fiction, it was made with the sole purpose of entertainment. None of the scenes depicted in this chapter and others happened in real life.**

 

> _All I know at the end of the day is love who you love_
> 
> _There ain't no other way_
> 
> _If there's something I've learnt from a million mistakes_
> 
> _You're the one that I want at the end of the day_

 

_ Harry’s POV _

Harry is having fun on tour, lots of it. But being on tour usually means late nights of performances and early mornings of being startled by his alarm clock or, worse, someone from his team telling him that something was added to the already crazy schedule. As soon as he opens his eyes, there’s always something to do, something that makes him busy enough to get up in a heartbeat. Not today, though.

Without moving his face from the pillow, just by feeling the warmth of another body plastered to his, he can tell that it’s going to be a chirpy and relaxing day. Despite getting some well-deserved rest, every bone, joint and muscle is a little sore, probably from all the emotional tension of the past few days. Because of this, it takes Harry five minutes to finally let the urge to see Louis’ pretty face make him turn around in his arms. He lifts his upper body up to his elbows and tries not to make any sudden movements. He knows how much Louis likes to sleep in, and he is probably just as exhausted.

Naturally, for the next half an hour he just lays there, admiring the soft features of the love of his life. Louis looks incredibly peaceful, his chest lightly rising and falling under the covers with each breath. One of his arms is out in the cold, which was minutes ago circling Harry’s middle, hand on his chest. From his position Harry can only see a few of the tattoos he knows so well. He catches a glimpse of the compass and is immediately taken back to the day he saw the ink cut into his flesh for the first time. They had taken in the bad habit of writing on their skin what they couldn’t say with words, and one particularly bad meeting with Modest! And Syco had been enough for them to run to their preferred shop and choose the cheesiest couple tattoos ever: a ship and a compass. Almost unconsciously, Harry starts to trace the ship on his arm. At the movement, Louis shuffles a bit in his sleep, letting the _Oops!,_ written in a very familiar handwriting, into sight. But Harry is suddenly distracted to Louis’ face, which is no longer mostly hidden with the pillow. There’s a little bit of a stubble covering his cheeks and chin, which makes Harry laugh because for the longest time management would force him to keep a clean shave every day, as they were really fixated on making Louis look younger that he was. And that’s when Harry realises that his mouth slightly open, bringing him to those gorgeous thin lips that have tasted like safety for so long. So Harry starts to plant sweet pecks to Louis’ face, starting from the forehead, down to the nose, even the eyelids, and coming down to the cheeks and jawline. By the time he puts his lips against Louis’, he is already awake enough to kiss him back. This is how Harry realises that he never wants to wake up in any other way, for the rest of his life.

And then his stomach growls very audibly, considering that they’re face to face in bed.

 **“Hungry, love?”** Louis lets out a sleep induced raspy voice, followed by a loud and contagious yawn that Harry re-enacts seconds later.

“Yeah, we fell asleep without having dinner”

**“Ugh, we did. Now is when you offer to cook one of those delicious full English breakfasts of yours”**

“Now is when I remind you that we’re in a hotel room, not my house. I’m afraid we’ll have to settle for some room service, unless your face is misleading and you do feel like going out for breakfast”

**“Real suffering, that is. Super expensive room service or super expensive breakfast out, both of which we can afford. Please choose and put me out of my misery”**

“I’ll just order the usual”

**“You’re a saint, an angel even”**

“ _You_ looked like a saint half an hour ago”

**“Did you watch me in my sleep? Harold, you creep!”**

“But you looked so peaceful and adorable, Lou”

**“You know how stupid I look when I snore because my mouth is open”**

“Oh stop it, it’s gorgeous, captivating, fascina-”

 **“Shut up you sap”** and Louis cuts Harry’s words with a lingering kiss, morning breath be damned. Louis’ lips are chapped, but he opens them slightly to let Harry in. As they taste each other with passionate twirls, their breaths start to shallow, a need to be closer, if even possible, resurfacing between them. And then Harry pulls away.

**“Hazza, come back!”**

“I’m starving, Lou. We better feed ourselves, we need some energy for the fun stuff” a mischievous grin across Harry’s face as he makes his way towards the phone, aiming to order some breakfast.

A few minutes after, Harry finds himself in bed again, wrapped in Louis’ arms. His right cheek rests against Louis’ chest, he can feel the steady and calming heartbeat accompanied by deep breaths. His left hand is hovering over his lover’s body, drawing changing patters to his side, all the way from his ribs to the hipbone. In that moment of bliss, he feels the need to have a heart to heart conversation.

“Hey, Lou?”

**“Yeah?”**

“I know we said we’d make it work, and we still haven’t figured it out yet, but there _is_ something I think I’m sure about”

**“What’s that?”**

“Having to hide our feelings, letting people treat us like our love was this dangerous? It’s fucked up, Lou. We have to do something about it”

**“It’s is incredibly fucked up, yeah. Something like what? Do you have any ideas?”**

“I mean, I don’t know. It’s just that every time I let myself enjoy what I’m feeling, my head goes back to them making me feel like I was selfish. Because, in their words, our relationship was really harmful for the band, and by not being able to control ourselves, we were ruining the other boys’ chance at success”

 **_“Not being able to control ourselves?_ ** **What is that even supposed to mean? I know they said some pretty nasty things, Haz. But we agreed that they were all manipulative lies. Are you having any doubts about it? It’s not real, Harry. Remember that”**

“No, no, I know. I know they were just douchebags taking advantage of teenage boys who were just beginning in the music industry. God, we were so naïve… But even if I rationalize it know, those feelings were ingrained in my brain for so long. They come back to me unconsciously sometimes”

**“Please tell me when it happens, I want to comfort you, Haz. They used this to confront us, but they can’t do that anymore. We’re on the same page now, right?”**

“Yeah, yes, absolutely. I just hate the idea of other people going through the same thing”

**“I don’t even want to being to imagine how many people are currently closeted because of their nasty, over-controlling, money-obsessed managements”**

“I just don’t want all our suffering to be in vain. We had some really awful times, and thinking about it hurts, but I don’t want to look past it and forget it. Something good has to come out of this”

**“You’re so bloody optimistic, I don’t know how you do it. Even when people are mean to you, you insist on seeing the good side of things. I admire that about you, Haz”**

“The thing is, I’m really happy with this, with us. I’m over the moon really, but for the longest time I was convinced that we didn’t deserve this. And now in these few hours that we’ve been here, that thought has popped up in my mind at least a dozen times. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not true. We deserve to finally let loose and give in to our feelings, I just don’t know how to let go of all the toxic ideas they planted on us”

**“It’s not going to be easy, love. We’re not talking about a month of bad influence, that went on for years, and it just kept getting worse and worse the more popular we got. First, they took over our social media and made us go on pap walks, then suddenly we couldn’t even interact on stage. It escalated so quickly we didn’t even have time to process it. So it’s going to take a while, but we’ll get there, we have each other”**

“Do you think we’ll get to maybe um release a statement or something?”

 **“I’m not sure about the details of your new contract, but they sure as hell won’t cut me some slack. I’ve regained control over the creative side of the project, but I’m not precisely free when it comes to my public image. I’ve had to go all shady and hope that my fans are like the bloody CSI for them to put two and two together”** Louis chuckles at the thought. **“Seriously, though. I would post a selfie every time some stunt was coming, and the best part is that they’re super fucking smart. A big amount of the fan accounts I secretly check have realised, and are desperately trying to spread the word to get more people on board”**

“Look at you, being all secretive. Has your team really not figured it out?”

**“I don’t think so, and if they have, no one has come to me about it, so I guess I’m in the clear”**

“As I’m sure you’ve realised I kind of took the other way out. I’m not active on social media at all, as my fans say, I’m MIA most of the time. I wish I could interact with them a lot more, but I don’t want for my messages to be filtered. If I interact with them I want it to be genuine, real, and not some over calculated thing. So instead of posting and answering to their questions, I try to get as close to them as possible during meet and greats and such. I feel more comfortable with that, ‘cause I can be myself without having people breathing down my neck to keep some _image”_

**“Every time you do reappear the internet goes crazy, that’s true”**

“Yeah. The sad thing is that the reason behind it is out of my control. I wish I could tell them how bad I want to be more active”

**“So, I guess we’re both pretty screwed”**

“Yup. They’re definitely not going to let us come out with just nice words. I hate confrontations, but I think we’re gonna have to fight our way out”

**“Lucky for you, I love confrontations and arguments. When I’m winning of course”**

“Do you think we can win this?”

**“Not to sound pessimistic, but coming out is a little too ambitious right now. We might initially get away with a bit more of freedom”**

“It’s not enough. It’s not going to cut it this time. Maybe we could contact some people who have opened up about their closeted pasts. There are more and more of them coming out these days. It’s a shame they don’t get attention enough to expose their teams”

**“If we’re discrete enough, we might be able to do that. Though, keep in mind that we’re going to need some sort of leverage, something to use against our teams. I hate how it sounds right now but we need something that may hurt them, something that they care about”**

“Money? That’s the whole reason they’re doing this. We’re just a brand to them”

**“That’s how they manipulate us. They make us believe that coming out would have negative, dare I say catastrophic, impacts on our careers. What if we prove them wrong?”**

“We’d need irrefutable proof, and I don’t know where to get that…”

**“You said it yourself, we ask people who have been through the same thing. We’ll have to find someone whose career didn’t sink after the reveal, which is going to be tough to find”**

“That kind of research takes time, though. I don’t want us to get impatient. This is unfortunately a long-term solution”

**“At least we have settled a starting point. That’s more than we’ve ever had, Haz”**

“Yeah, I’m happy we’re making progress. So, say we do manage to win this fight. What then? We have to make the most of the momentum. The news will hit a peak in mere hours, but it’s really easy for it to be forgotten when the novelty wears off”

**“Arranging some interviews will be easy, but we need something that’s surely going to popular, easy to be spread around”**

“The problem is too deep, though. It doesn’t just happen in the music industry, homophobia is everywhere. Not to mention that the other reason why they don’t want us together is that we have to seem available. They’re sexualizing us, Lou. Can you imagine how bad women have it?”

**“We’re powerful people, Haz. We have a really strong fanbase and a huge platform that we can use to make people understand the importance of focusing on the art. We’re artists, for god’s sake! We’re supposed to be in the spotlight because of our music. If we could advocate that, artistry over the personal characteristics of the artists, we’d have a real impact”**

“How about an organized event? We could invite other celebrities that suffer from other injustices, make it diverse and intersectional. We’d both perform, of course, and I bet many others would be willing to as well. We can use this to fight oppression in an inclusive way”

**“Maybe add some powerful and heart-warming speeches here and there? If we invite enough people it could surely gain a lot of attention. I think we might have something here, Harold”**

“You think so?”

**“Yes, it’s a brilliant idea. The boys will also be on our side, that’s the perfect way to reach out to directioners. And you know just as well as me that if it reaches the directioners, if they make it their goal to popularize it, they will do it. They always deliver”**

“I can already picture them getting a bunch of hashtags trending” Harry chuckles fondly.

**“It’s a plan then. But first we have to break free from these chains”**

“I guess we can be sneaky in the meantime”

**“Are you saying you’ll be more active on social media? Harry! The fans are going to lose it! If you start posting like crazy, please do it gradually”**

“Heeey. No, I don’t think I’ll do that. I do have a couple things in mind, though”

**“Yeah? Like what?”**

“Well, it’s already a habit for me to run around stage waving pride flags, but I’ve never been _too explicit_ with song lyrics”

**“You mean for your second album?”**

“Definitely, and my tour hasn’t ended just yet. I could add a couple of unreleased songs to the setlist. I’ve got a few on my phone, you can listen to them if you want”

**“Sneaky, I like it. Bring it in, young Harold”**

And that’s how Harry and Louis found themselves eating breakfast in bed, listening to “Medicine” between cuddles, with a solid plan towards their freedom and the _world’s freedom_ in their hands.

_*Their future was uncertain, and they had just as many obstacles in their way, but they also had something new, something that they hadn’t had the last time they had tried to fight: Louis and Harry needed to fight not just for themselves, but for every other youngster in their position, for every other person who was being forced to hide their true self. For the first time, they understood the importance of using their platforms to do good, to treat people with kindness and make sure that everyone else did the same. Do **you** understand the importance of using **your voice**?_

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Author’s note:

As I’ve read in various comments, you seem to have liked the recurring theme of each chapter being inspired by a One Direction song. Many of the final pieces arose from specific lyrics, but this was quite the special episode, which included an entire whirlwind of emotions. Because of that, here are some other lines that were close to making it into the title. Feel free to interpret those and connect them to the main events of the chapter, as I’m quite sure they’re pretty self-explanatory.

Also from **End of the day** :

_When the sun goes I know that you and me and everything will be alright_

_And when the city's sleeping, you and I can stay awake and keep on dreaming_

_You and I can stay awake and keep on dreaming._

From **What a feeling** :

_Whatever chains are holding you back_

_Holding you back, don't let 'em tie you down_

From **Ready to run** :

_This time I'm ready to run_

_Wherever you are is the place I belong_

_'Cause I wanna be free_

_And I wanna be young_

_I'll never look back now I'm ready to run_

_There's a future in my life I can't foresee_

_Unless of course I stay on course_

_And keep you next to me_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is it, the end of some of the most rewarding months of my life. Writing Ever Since New York was very therapeutic for me, and all of your positive feedback has made the experience a million times better. I'm genuinely overwhelmed by your support. Hopefully this is more than the end of the story, and the beginning of me as a writer.  
> Please do tell me what you though of this particular ending, and if you think it does the build up justice.  
> Thank you once again for reading, it truly meant a lot for me to share this ride with you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
> 
>  
> 
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au

**Author's Note:**

> I had wanted to write a long piece of fanfic for a while now, and I've finally started. The first couple of chapters are necessary to give context to the story, but there is a lot more action coming. It all starts back in Holmes Chapel, because Harry's relationship with his family has always been inspiring, hasn't it?  
> Each chapter will have the name of a One Direction song that matches the vibe of it. I totally recommend listening to it before or after reading for a better experience.  
> Please leave any suggestions in the comments, I'd love to read your feedback.  
> I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it!  
> You can follow me on instagram to be notified of updates: @alternative.au.fn  
> Also on twitter: @alternative_au


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